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Thank you all for understanding. I actually sat down and had a talk with my sister today who understood how I was feeling perfectly, she even cried with me. She said she told my mother, that she needs to quit comparing her cancer to mine and my brothers and start showing a little more compassion. I neglected to say that my brother was diagnosed with skin cancer near his temple a month before I was diagnosed. The doctors gave him a 40 percent chance of reoccuring and told him if he did reoccur, he would probably have around 7 months to live. There's not much progress in skin cancer treatment. So mom has 2 children diagnosed with cancer within a months time. She gives him the same preaching talk, she gives me...he tells her where she can go with it. Actually, my mom drives everyone crazy, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised she's doing it with me. I know my mom has got to be hurting terribly and I know she loves us so much, maybe trying to be overly strong is her way of surviving. My husband and I have been through extensive counseling before I was sick and we really work on communicating, so I have talked with him about how he's acting many times. He always says he's sorry and will make an effort to change, he changes for a day or so, then goes back to normal. I think maybe he is trying to distance himself from me to protect himself in case something does happen. I know when I was first diagnosed, my 17 year old son, just got absolutely rude, mean and disrespectful to me. He was constantly away from the house partying with his friends and when he was home, he just didn't act like the same sweet kid he had. I finally jumped all over his butt and he said something that I'll never forget ..he said.. "mom, how do you think I feel. Do you think I want to stay around here and watch you die". I was floored and it hurt so bad and I tried to reassure him I wasn't dying. But although his words were hurting, they were honest. It didnt' excuse his behavior to me but it did explain it a little bit. He has since become a lot more loving and concerned. I guess it's a lonely walk that we with Cancer walk. People really don't know what to do or say to us. At least I know I am not alone in my feelings. It does help to vent, I am going to start seeing a counselor next week. Thank God for these boards...sherryg683
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