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When I got to the end of your post I realized I had been holding my breath!! It amazes me the perseverance of the human spirit. I can only believe that God must have given you the strength to survive. He is not done with your life yet and your family obviously still needs you. At least your situation can help us all to say, :But remember all that El went through and still survived?" We would not wish this on you just so we could find courage but nevertheless you do give us courage..........I only pray and hope that now you will find some repreve and thrive and survive........Hugs, Lola
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