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Hi Lauren: I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time. I have never taken an anti-anxiety/antidepressent that had to be taken every day (like Zolof (sp) ). I, like you, don't like the idea of being "medicated" all of the time and would prefer to travel through life drug free. But, I do have a bottle of ATIVAN that I can take if I have a bad day where things just seem to overwhelm me. You just need to take one pill when you feel over-anxious and it just mellows you out for 4 hrs. If you need to take another one after that, then do it. It also can help you get to sleep at night on those occasions when you can't get to sleep.
I have worked with children for the last 25 years and your boys are old enough to understand the situation your family is in. You have done exactly the right thing in sitting them down and telling them that you love them BUT they need to listen...you don't have the energy to tell them to do things 15 times. One thing you could do is "catch them being good". This is when they do something the first time you ask, volunteer to help out or problem solve with each other to arrive at a solution rather than whacking each other...when you see them doing something "good"..... stop what you are doing and praise them for that behavior and tell them how much you appriciate it and how grown up they are getting, etc. It makes them feel good and they will want to please you more (technicaly this is called "Positive Reinforcement"). Often we parents only respond to our kids when they are doing something we don't like. If they are being good we leave them alone. In Child Development we are taught that "Negative Attention" is better than "No Attention" at all as far as a child is concerned. If you still get no improvement in their behavior perhaps a few sessions with a Family Therapist just to get things back on track would be helpful. Remember, Mommies aren't allowed to get sick and it is a very scary situation for our children (and mates). Sometimes when people get scared they get angry at the person who is the cause of this feeling (even though we can't help being sick). Some of your sons bad behavior could be due to this, too. Well, I hope some of this helps you get through these tough times. If you ever need to "talk" please feel free to e-mail me anytime. Take Care, Linda
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