Star,
I can't speak for everyone...
but please, please don't ever feel guilty about how you're feeling on my account.
What you're feeling, whatever, and whenever you're feeling it is REAL.
And I'm certain you feel it just as profoundly as anyone else on this board...
no matter what it is they're dealing with at the moment... related to BC or not.
We stage IV gals don't have a corner on the depression market.
Have you talked to your doctor?
After all your body has been through in the last year, it would not surprise me one bit if the balance of feel good brain chemicals in YOUR brain was a little off kilter.
It's very natural... nothing to be embarrassed about... but not something to ignore either.
A brief stint on a mild anti-depressant might be just the thing to get those brain juices back in balance.
I would definitely mention it to my onc or primary.
In the meantime, I'm sorry you're hurting.
I agree with the others, I believe your feelings of contentment will return.
A whole year of your life was just stolen from you...
you had all those med. professionals making sure you were okay...
and now you're on your own.
Frankly... wouldn't you have to be a little "off" not to be feeling strange now?
Sending a big healing hug!
Denise