[jacqueline1102]

Hello Karen,

Indeed, your post resonated with me. I am 50 and have a husband five years younger than me. There has been numerous psychological studies conducted on grief and loss. What typically happens is that when a man has a wife die, he yearns for finding that attachment again. The grieving process becomes too overwhelming and he will typically run from those feelings. The man will put himself on dating sites and if he has even a slight appearance of a good decent man there will be plenty of women who will jump all over that if you know what I mean. This short term distraction may serve a means as a way to cope with the depression and loss. A sexy, young woman also serves the biolgoical need of a sexual release especially if he and his wife were unable to have relations for some time with her illness and months/a year of decline. If his wife/your friend suffered for a longer period of time, then his grieving process probably began some time ago. Yours may have just begun at her death. That being said, he will need to be particularly careful that he not get involved too quickly with women who do not have his or his children's best interests at heart. He may place himself at risk for another heartbreak. He may need to hear that his children are grieving and that a "replacement wife" will only serve to injure them in the process. I have too often seen the grieving spouses only react with their impulses when entering a new relationship not giving any thought to how the children are doing. This may catch up to him. Hopefully, friends are advising him to take it slow for the sake of the children. I feel for you, Karen. I have actually told my husband that when my time comes to give himself a year to gireve, then find someone who is smart first and then beautiful. No dumb chicks need apply. And I have spoken to his aunt to help guide him in his next mate selection so that he does not make a hasty decision. That sounds practical and it is. But, trust me, I feel the emotional pain daily.

Ladies on the other hand will give themselves time to grieve and may not even remarry once their spouse dies. Men have more challenges being alone especially if the relationship with the wife was good. They want that connection again.

Take care of yourself. And perhaps it may be best to distance yourself from him if you were not close to him. You are grieving, too. Peace to you.

Jackie