HER2 Support Group Forums - View Single Post - Just need to vent

Lien · 08-09-2013, 01:34 PM

Hi Cathy,

I agree with those who said the behavior was unacceptable, but if he is a good doc, and if you trust him, it might be best to just mention how you felt after his words. You wouldn't have to confront him, but just let him know that his words hurt you. If he is a good doc, he will understand and apologize. You could say something like: You know, last time when I was here, you were talking to a student, and you said that I had a high risk of recurrence. Somehow that really hit me very hard. I was upset for a couple of days afterwards, even though I knew in the back of my mind that my prognosis wasn't stellar. After two years I had begun to relax a bit, and your words brought back the fear and anxiety. It was also quite a shock to hear you talking to the student as if I wasn't there. Could you please not do that again?" If he starts to argue, just tell him: "I can't change how your words made me feel at the time." And just leave it at that.

I also think that he is being careful by leaving the port in. I read in your signature that your tumor wasn't visible on the mammo. Do they use the port for the Pet scans? Do they use it for taking blood samples? I am pleased he is doing regular Pet scans, so he can nip any recurrences in the bud.

Your risk of recurrence was probably highest during the first couple of years after diagnosis. After two years, you are over the first hump. At my two year appointment my doc shook my hand with a big smile on his face and said: "Congratulations! You made it past the first two years without a recurrence. That's a good sign."

I have been in Cancerland for 9,5 years now, and I know many people were diagnosed with stage III initially who never had a recurrence. I even know several people who were diagnosed initially with stage IV and returned to NED status. We don't know who will recur, so we might as well live as if we belong to the happy few who never recur. That way, we will at least have had a good time for a while.

I'm not saying that's easy to do. It took me quite a while, even though I had a more favorable diagnosis, but believe me, mine was scary to me.

I hope all the suggestions you received have been helpful and have given you some peace of mind.

Hugs

Jacqueline

08-09-2013, 01:34 PM	#19
Lien Senior Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Haarlem, the Netherlands Posts: 835	Re: Just need to vent - scared Hi Cathy, I agree with those who said the behavior was unacceptable, but if he is a good doc, and if you trust him, it might be best to just mention how you felt after his words. You wouldn't have to confront him, but just let him know that his words hurt you. If he is a good doc, he will understand and apologize. You could say something like: You know, last time when I was here, you were talking to a student, and you said that I had a high risk of recurrence. Somehow that really hit me very hard. I was upset for a couple of days afterwards, even though I knew in the back of my mind that my prognosis wasn't stellar. After two years I had begun to relax a bit, and your words brought back the fear and anxiety. It was also quite a shock to hear you talking to the student as if I wasn't there. Could you please not do that again?" If he starts to argue, just tell him: "I can't change how your words made me feel at the time." And just leave it at that. I also think that he is being careful by leaving the port in. I read in your signature that your tumor wasn't visible on the mammo. Do they use the port for the Pet scans? Do they use it for taking blood samples? I am pleased he is doing regular Pet scans, so he can nip any recurrences in the bud. Your risk of recurrence was probably highest during the first couple of years after diagnosis. After two years, you are over the first hump. At my two year appointment my doc shook my hand with a big smile on his face and said: "Congratulations! You made it past the first two years without a recurrence. That's a good sign." I have been in Cancerland for 9,5 years now, and I know many people were diagnosed with stage III initially who never had a recurrence. I even know several people who were diagnosed initially with stage IV and returned to NED status. We don't know who will recur, so we might as well live as if we belong to the happy few who never recur. That way, we will at least have had a good time for a while. I'm not saying that's easy to do. It took me quite a while, even though I had a more favorable diagnosis, but believe me, mine was scary to me. I hope all the suggestions you received have been helpful and have given you some peace of mind. Hugs Jacqueline __________________ Diagnosed age 44, January 2004, 0.7 cm IDC & DCIS. Stage 1, grade 3, ER/PR pos. HER2 pos. clear margins, no nodes. SNB. 35 rads. On Zoladex and Armidex since Dec. 2004. Stopped Zoladex/Arimidex sept 2009 Still taking mistletoe shots (CAM therapy) Doing fine.