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Andrea Barnett Budin · 03-30-2013, 09:11 PM

For me, I felt wobbly, rubber-legged weak and sick. Like I had the worst flu I'd ever experienced. Aching everywhere with no let up. Utterly exhausted, nearly flat lined. AND THAT IS SERIOUSLY FRIGHTENING! The thought occurred to me, Am I dying? I HAD NOT SUNK THAT LOW TILL APRIL OF 99. 9 MNTHS OF Taxotere knocked me on my keister. Some supplements helped my body flush out the toxins and debris. Sleep seemed by only choice. I couldn't stay awake. I couldn't move. I whispered when I spoke.

Liver detoxifaction is good -- but severely debilitating I've learned. The lingering effects of chemotherapy can knock your socks off.

Music playing all day finally helped me come alive. I saw my pointer finger moving to the syncopation. I was alive and enjoying the beat. Moved by it. It was a sign. I had made it to my reintroduction to Life. I smiled.

Didn't get out of bed for 6 weeks once I was taken off Taxotere. It was clear my body couldn't tolerate anymore. (SEE THE SURVIVOR THREAD for more details, please.) Other than going to the bathroom, showering and brushing my teeth I did not move for 6 wks.

I KNEW to drink liquids. To eat a handful of something. To do my part to stay alive and not dehyrdrate. I knew my organs were counting on my contributions. I went for my ev 3 wk Vitamin H no matter what. Came home and collapsed again into bed.

I spoke to no one. My daily lists sat as still as me. I have never ever neglected updating my daily lists for what needs to be done, in the house, on the phone, outside of the house. I could not move.

I was in the process of healing. I wasn't dying. I was healing. Taxotere nearly killed me, yet -- it saved my life. Along w/Vitamin H. And the love sent to me through my husband. It kind of levitated me temporarily from my bed ever so slightly. It made me smile. And then, I was out of it again for hours. I was making my way to wellness. I KNEW it. What I believed, what I expected would come to pass. The road was rocky, depleting and full of land mines, but -- I made it. And so can you!

In my case, I just KNEW -- I was in a process, making my way to my desired goal, and so I was filled with determination and just (barely) held on, to that end.

03-30-2013, 09:11 PM	#2
Andrea Barnett Budin Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: LAND OF YES! w/home in Boca Raton, Florida Orig from L.I., N.Y. Ever hovering IN THE NOW... Posts: 1,904	Re: When cancer cells die, how does it feel? For me, I felt wobbly, rubber-legged weak and sick. Like I had the worst flu I'd ever experienced. Aching everywhere with no let up. Utterly exhausted, nearly flat lined. AND THAT IS SERIOUSLY FRIGHTENING! The thought occurred to me, Am I dying? I HAD NOT SUNK THAT LOW TILL APRIL OF 99. 9 MNTHS OF Taxotere knocked me on my keister. Some supplements helped my body flush out the toxins and debris. Sleep seemed by only choice. I couldn't stay awake. I couldn't move. I whispered when I spoke. Liver detoxifaction is good -- but severely debilitating I've learned. The lingering effects of chemotherapy can knock your socks off. Music playing all day finally helped me come alive. I saw my pointer finger moving to the syncopation. I was alive and enjoying the beat. Moved by it. It was a sign. I had made it to my reintroduction to Life. I smiled. Didn't get out of bed for 6 weeks once I was taken off Taxotere. It was clear my body couldn't tolerate anymore. (SEE THE SURVIVOR THREAD for more details, please.) Other than going to the bathroom, showering and brushing my teeth I did not move for 6 wks. I KNEW to drink liquids. To eat a handful of something. To do my part to stay alive and not dehyrdrate. I knew my organs were counting on my contributions. I went for my ev 3 wk Vitamin H no matter what. Came home and collapsed again into bed. I spoke to no one. My daily lists sat as still as me. I have never ever neglected updating my daily lists for what needs to be done, in the house, on the phone, outside of the house. I could not move. I was in the process of healing. I wasn't dying. I was healing. Taxotere nearly killed me, yet -- it saved my life. Along w/Vitamin H. And the love sent to me through my husband. It kind of levitated me temporarily from my bed ever so slightly. It made me smile. And then, I was out of it again for hours. I was making my way to wellness. I KNEW it. What I believed, what I expected would come to pass. The road was rocky, depleting and full of land mines, but -- I made it. And so can you! In my case, I just KNEW -- I was in a process, making my way to my desired goal, and so I was filled with determination and just (barely) held on, to that end. __________________ Andi BB '95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive... '98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!) + good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either... Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...