Laurel...Puh-lease...in Philly we never get our
own hands dirty...we *know a guy*
First, how sweet are you guys!? The prayers and good wishes are needed and
appreciated more than I can say!
My back feels better than it has in YEARS! My leg...is healing more slowly than I had hoped. I have a follow-up with the surgeon tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure he won't think the symptoms are unexpected...those nerves were pretty well abused. But, while the *pain* is gone...there is still discomfort sometimes, and numbness and tingling all the time. All the way down the inside of my leg, worst at my knee and ankle. Waaaay better than what it felt like before surgery! No doubt about that...so I'm not complaining, I'll just feel better about it once he tells me it's "expected or normal"...temporary would be good to hear too, but I don't want to push my luck here!
Had a little scare earlier this week...started to have balance trouble, and nausea. Of course, with my luck of late, I immediately thought brain mets! I called the neurosurgeon's CRNP, told her what was going on, and was
very relieved to hear her say that given where the larger of my zapped tumors was...this was likely swelling caused by the healing process, NOT something new rearing it's ugly head. PHEW! The symptoms still suck, and I had to go back on those damn, fat-face-producing steroids again...but I feel much better after only two days - physically, and emotionally.
I still marvel at my new reality...one where it's a relief to hear that my brain is
only swelling because the old tumor is healing, not because I have a new one too.
The whole work issue is another ball of wax. I did meet with the HR "person". Like Satan himself, she smiled, and tried to make everything she said sound so focused on me, so concerned for my welfare...when that was clearly not her purpose at all. She's power drunk, and heartless. My husband was there...it was his first experience of her, and he came away with the same impression.
Bottom line...because of the way our disability coverage works, and because the school board has a "written" policy about unpaid leave being forbidden...it's pretty clear I can't return to my classroom this year. I've grieved that loss, and I think I've come to peace with the reality that I have to put my family's finances ahead of my desire to "prove that I'm well" or "get back to what I love doing". Believe me, it was not an easy thing to do. That's why I haven't posted about it. I've known for a couple of weeks now, but I just didn't think I could type it without crying all over the keyboard, and re-living the pain. Surprisingly, I haven't shed even one tear! Thanks you Laurel for opening the door for me to share...your humor was the key!
If I want to try to return in the fall, I'll have to get my lawyer to file papers challenging the board's policy, claiming that it's discriminating against me because my BC is a disability, and is covered under ADA. I haven't decided whether I'm going to do that or not...for a lot of reasons...some related to my job, some related to my family, and some just about me.
Man! I could be somebody's prayer LIST, all by myself! And yet, except for the few days after the meeting with HR...I'm still lovin' life...enjoying every day as much as I can. Really! That's gotta be God! Nobody is this resilient on their own, whether they know it or not! I just happen to know it!
Now if I could just get my house clean and back in shape after two years of Mom being "sick"!!! Ted and the boys have done the best they could...but it needs my
intervention to get back where it should be.
Thanks again for checking in on me! I don't know what I'd do without my HER2 friends!
Denise