[chrisy]

Oh Jessica,
I know about those "surprise" hospital admissions and they are the worst. But they are sometimes necessary and I'm glad the infection was able to be brought under control. And especially that you are home again.

I can feel your weariness and frustration.

You have every reason to be tired...maybe when you say that what you mean is just that you are tired. And as you get the awful side effects under control and continue to recover from your surprise vacation you may feel less tired. Remember you are also recovering from radiation and seemingly endless chemo. I was reading the gemzar/carbo side effects and when they talk about fatigue it was like, "no worries, you will fully recover within a year after finishing chemo". Do they not know who they are dealing with? We have to, and do, recover after every treatment! But now I know why it is so hard and it reminds me to be gentle with myself and if I want to lay on the couch all day like a dog it's ok.

The hair thing. I get that - in fact I'm waffling on whether to order some special shampoo because I might not need it in a month or two! And no matter how good you look in your wig (I've seen it and at the risk of making you scream, I didn't even know it was a wig and was SOOOO jealous of your hair) or rockin' something else, every time you look in the mirror - hair, no hair, hat, no hat - it is a reminder that all is not right with the world.

Yet what amazes me is that despite all that, you are still thinking so clearly about what is the best course for your next infusion. You are really something, girl!

My offering on the mouth sores: I had the miracle mouthwash and some kind of gel (like how do you get that to stay in place when it's under your tongue?) and some mouthrinse called Rincinol. But what worked best was having a bottle of water with salt and baking soda in it in EVERY room, and swishing with that every time you passed one. You will get it under control, I know.

Jessica, please know that you are in my constant prayers and thoughts.
Chris