[jml]

Oh my Gosh, you guys. I can't tell you how your words have lifted my heart, restored my confidence and empowered me. It's been such a difficult couple of days, full of frustration, anger, tears, disappointment - pushing me to a question that I've only asked once before,
"What if I just quit?"
Yesterday brought some good news, but some still unresolved.
I am definitively switching Rad Oncs - back to the Rad Onc who treated me for 2 supraclav nodes in 2008. She's at a different location, only a mile from my house. Back in 2008 I used to walk my dog to rads, tie his leash to a bench, go in for treatment and minutes later, fetch him and walk home. She actually called me yesterday morning and asked if I wanted to transfer my treatment to her care. Ofcourse I said "Yes, please!" I filled her in on what happened with the other Rad Onc, including the fact that they told me they wouldn't be able to start me until after Christmas because of logistics/their schedule, etc. She said that shouldn't be and that she can start me on Thursday, tx on Friday, Saturday & Monday.
I am anxious to get started because to wake up each morning and see these symptoms of SVCS- the facial edema, swollen hands, distended jugulars, prominent veins in chest (even after sleeping propped upright) and the instant increase of pressure in my head when I bend over to feed the dog, load the dishwasher or crouch down, is unsettling.
My question for Dr. G (good Rad Onc) is, Does 4 days of tx buy me a extra few days (2.5) after Christmas to be with my family in LA? And on a longshot, does it buy me 8 days to also go with everyone to Tahoe, as is the original plan? I don't know what the answer is, but I do know what I WANT it to be. Will just try to temper my hopes, so not to be too let down if they go unfulfilled. Regardless, I WILL have an answer today.
As for the IR consult, I didn't get to see anyone, but the NP had the "IR team" take a look at my case and they recommend Rads first to shrink the tumor, because "the vasculature could collapse even with the stent in so shrinking the tumor first would be preferred." I feel so unsatisfied with this answer from the nameless, faceless IR team because I didn't get to ask any questions, like how are you going to keep me safe and healthy until rads can effectively shrink the tumor and decrease the threat on my SVC & heart? Since they're recommending Rads 1st & the rads are effectively shrinking the tumor, why then would I circle back and have the stent? That response just doesn't sit well with me. And let's not forget that the consent form I signed the other day with the Rad Onc Resident did state that if I turned down Rads that "treatment options include, stenting."
It's like they won't recommend the stents unless my symptoms increase and I end up in the ER. So maybe I'll sleep flat tonight, or better yet, up-side-down, wake up tomorrow with more severe edema, go to the ER and they'll admit me!
As you all have recommended and encouraged, I put a call into the IR (instead of going through the NP as I normally would) that did my chemo embo in 6/10, & talked to his secretary. she noted my specific question/request and said he was on a conference call, but would give him my message to call me back.i asked about his schedule and she told me he's doing a couple of procedures over the next few days and not away for the holiday. Again trying not to over committ to my own agenda, but will feel better getting direct answers from the source.
Oh, one last thing (I know this very long- thank you for indulging me) one option I am considering is throwing caution to the wind and delaying radiation until after the holidays, so that I get to have Christmas, the Christmas suprise that I have planned and even go to Tahoe as we originally planned.
Thoughts, comments, opinions?

I'm putting on my Fighter face on today and putting Miss Congeniality in my back pocket until I feel all my questions are answered completely and sufficiently.

Holding on to the Faith~

Jessica