[karen z]

Hi Ellie,
It is true- we never get over the loss of a parent, no matter what the parent's age or our age. I have had a hole in my heart since I was eight and there is nothing that can be done to fill it- it only got larger when I lost my wonderful mom and saw her slip away from me day by day. I absolutely feel like an abandoned orphan and, again, would do anything to just be able to see (if even from afar- that is how bad it is) my mom and dad I have found that nothing can fill this particular void- years of therapy, an anti-depressant...........We do often have to go on sometimes in unbearable situations......and make choices about how we will/must handle. Things are a bit worse for me now.......divorced and about to have my daughter go off to college but if I am honest with myself- the parent-based hole in my heart (and inability to fill it) has really been there since my mom came home from the hospital and told me and my brother than our dad had died. I go on (as you do) the best I can. It is not often a pretty picture (!) but I try day by day. I feel best when I can do things for others- that is how I was raised and what the religion I was raised in taught me to do- to try and move forward and, especially, help others in even more pain than I am- and there are plenty out there to help. Your oncologist is correct.