[Laurel]

Becky,

I really like the ideal of a memorial "wall" that is a sticky here where we can go and post when we lose one of our own and where we can go post a funny story or even resurrect a favorite post by one of our fallen friends. Listen, it seems to me that we should do all we can to remember those who dedicated themselves to battling not only their personal illnesses, but shared in all of our battles. I never want to forget them.

Brenda Hutchinson was an amazing advocate for herself and for Her2. I remember one evening at a meet & greet thrown by Genetech at SABCS Brenda and I were seated next to one another chowing down when she said how she was debating whether to go chat up the Genetech rep that stood there in the room with us. She was bumping head long into opposition from the trial doc in San Antonio while she was desperately trying to get into their TDM-1 trial. There was an issue with an old spot on her MRI from a previous gamma-knife "tweak." I was surprised to see confident Brenda hesitate to go ask this person if he could help her move this doc to recognize it was only scar tissue showing on the MRI. Nothing worse than erasable docs!

I vividly recall Brenda bowing and inclining her head my way saying softly, "it's just that I am so scared." She was not referencing her fear of addressing the Rep, no, she was speaking of her fear of dying of cancer. Well, that was all I had to hear! I urged her to go with my favorite life-ism "nothing ventured, nothing gained." Up she popped and as I crunched on my chicken I watched in awe as Brenda turned on her substantial charm. I was on dessert when she flopped back down beside me grinning triumphantly from ear to ear. The rep was going to help her get into a trial in Denver, which as we all know did happen.

The point is that I observed Brenda meet docs, researchers, drug reps, politicians in her quest to get help in her battle against Her2. I remember watching her and thinking, "that's the key to self-preservation and self advocacy: getting them to REMEMBER YOU." I was powerfully struck by this revelation and I continued to observe Brenda and other stage 4 gals bravely reach out to those in the "know" and in positions to help. But let me stress, the first step is to shrug off that "diagnosis" tag that defines us as patients. If you want your Onc. to care about you the first goal is to get them to remember you, to see you as a person and not a diagnosis. I did that. I bet most of us have striven to do so. It is what Brenda did so well, she got them to REMEMBER her so they would want to help her get into a closed trial, or research more diligently "because you see there is that great gal with Her2 that I met once and I want her to live because she was terrific...."

It is my belief that because everyone whom we have lost to this disease fought so damned hard to stick around, to plow a way for those who have followed them, to bravely and humbly summon the nerve to ask, beg, and plead for help, they simply must not be forgotten by us! Five years from now I want the newbies on the site to be able to know that "crap on a crapstick" is a Brenda-ism and Brenda was fabulous, and brave, and amazing and I absolutely loved her. I did and I do.

Laurel