[Cathya]

Amanda;

I have been thinking about your post and wondering if and how to respond. I have basically not changed much since my diagnosis.....except that I am now not working. I feel so liberated as the incredible stress and fatigue I felt as a single parent with two children working in a job I didn't particularly like but was unable to leave is now lifted. I need to lose some weight, thought I should give up meat but haven't, drink wine when I feel like it, don't exercise enough but keep walking but I feel happy. My immediate family lives close by and we get together often and I enjoy them, I take care of my parents who are both in their 90's, love my children and feel their love for me and we laugh an awful lot. I can't afford nice holidays and would love to go to California yearly to meet the her2support group but really can't. I hate, hate, hate hearing about our sisters who pass and remember them all and reading their posts and how much each one gave to this site....then I remember how little I have given as I do find it hard to find words and feel badly again. However, even with this I keep coming back and feel the wonderful support of this group particularly when I do look into the future. I don't go to church and don't pray, even when I think I really should. I love reading....everything....scientific discoveries, astronomy, mysteries...you name it.

Amanda, I live each day and try to focus only on today. I might look forward to Thanksgiving or Christmas this year but not much further. It isn't really the cancer worry. I've always been someone who shouldn't look into the future, especially without someone very positive beside me. But in each day I am a happy person. I love you all and feel blessed to have found this site.

Cathy