[fullofbeans]

After waiting an extra 6 weeks from planned they finally scanned me today in view of operating on the left side (lung) this time..

Unfortunately there are more than 20 news mets and even a new met on the right side (which has been operated on) I saw the surgeon in the afternoon and he was reviewing the scan in front of me so I know it is right.. One of the tumour went from 0.5 to 2cm as an example of the growth we are dealing with.

So we will not be operating.. at least I will not be going through this painful op again. the number of mets had been stable this last year which is why we took the chance to operates.. I am still in quite a lot of pain from it and somewhat not improving..I am getting out of breath easily and was putting it down to recovering but it may not be that now it seems.

Seeing my oncologist on Friday. I read about post here like the one by jml and I simply do not know how they can cope and still sound great. Perhaps living alone with my dog and not having the support of a family does not help. I was planning a trip borrowing a camper van from a friend and was going to go with my dog round Europe (visit people and having friends joining me for bits) for after the 2nd op to have something nice to look forward and plan whilst recovering .. I really want to do that trip.. Looking at the TDM1 trials now that more are opening. Maybe that may buy me some time so I can still do it, I may have to be less enthusiastic in case I get worse during it.. F***ing cancer!