[jml]

Just as all the holiday celebrations are starting to fade away and I'm feeling ready to tackle 2012, I find myself in a holding pattern, not knowing which way the path is going to take me, yet again.
I have scans today@ 2:30pm, and besides being hungry, I actually feel pretty okay. If these results are less than stable, then we'll be on a quest for another option. When you've been fighting the good fight for ~10yrs and your medicine cabinet is empty, the list of options is pretty short and the wait for Pertuzumab approval very long.
I don't want to even fathom saying goodbye to Halaven + Herceptin, which has been working so well for me for 6 cycles = 18 weeks.
My symptoms are all improved, my hair's even growing back a bit, though I fight hard to convince myself that it's NOT tightness around my liver that I feel when I take a big deep breath, or referred pain into my R scapula that they say is related to liver issues, or that my headaches are the result of wearing my wig just a little too long that day.
Additionally, I'm praying hard hard hard for stability, just to give my family a break from our struggles that started with my sweet Pop's catastrophic stroke last Spring. By Thanksgiving, when we were all home in Hawaii for the holiday, he was doing amazingly well. All a testament to my mom's incredible hard work, amazing loving & care and endless patience to help him back to some independence, like sitting himself up in bed, assisting with his dressing, walking short distances, sitting with the family in the living room to laugh & talk stories, even responding & communicating in non verbal ways that we all understood.
Unfortunately, shortly after the holiday my dad had a seizure, brought on by smaller strokes and has since been back in the hospital and now rehab center, fighting his way back to get strong enough to come home again. My mom spends every devoted day with him, and if anyone can get him back home, she can.
They had fallen into a new rythm & routine of their lives, a new normal, as we all know about. I will take whatever is version of my Pop that I can, as long as he and my mom are happy.
I just don't want my situation to detract from the energy and focus to get my Pop back home.
So with that, I'm going to go drink a cup of hot water and pretend it's coffee on this cold 22degree Atlanta day.
I'm thrilled to see another year come to pass and celebrate with all of you the highs & lows and bumps & dips in the year to come.

Keeping the Faith~

Jessica