HER2 Support Group Forums - View Single Post - Finding Little Comfort in the Statistics of Survival

Andrea Barnett Budin · 10-23-2011, 12:35 PM

When I was first dx w/bc I was stunned. Humbled by this looming thing people used to speak of only in whispers as I grew up.

I've since learned that canser isn't our worst enemy. Fear is humanity's greatest foe!

I've also come to realize that courage is not the absence of fear, but moving forward to do what must be done anyway.

Tack on the enlightenment of seeing the joy of being in The Now, in this moment, full of love and gratitude for the beauty and blessings that surrounds us -- you're way ahead of the game. Learning to live, not fearing you're dying, is something not all get to experience. It is a hugely evolved way of being. Full of awesome feelings that feel divine.

I've learned to find serenity along with joy, even in the midst of my horror story. I have found that we each have the power to consciously choose to become The Witness, or The Observer. Most especially at moment when we're embroiled in trauma and drama. It releases us. Seeing from above, we gain a kind of control over ourselves. It is both liberating and empowering.

These Awarenesses are what I wish for you all, with all my heart.

I REFUSE TO ALLOW FEAR-DRIVEN CONCEPTS TO MANIPULATE ME AND PLAY GAMES WITH MY LIFE AND WELL-BEING. (I have that message, blown up in uber large print, by my desk, to look at each day.) We all slip and forget from time to time. We need reminders. YES, I CAN DO THIS! I BELIEVE... is another I have in my face, framed in the kitchen. That and LOVE MUCH.

Andi

10-23-2011, 12:35 PM	#22
Andrea Barnett Budin Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: LAND OF YES! w/home in Boca Raton, Florida Orig from L.I., N.Y. Ever hovering IN THE NOW... Posts: 1,904	Finding Comfort Beyond the Statistics When I was first dx w/bc I was stunned. Humbled by this looming thing people used to speak of only in whispers as I grew up. I've since learned that canser isn't our worst enemy. Fear is humanity's greatest foe! I've also come to realize that courage is not the absence of fear, but moving forward to do what must be done anyway. Tack on the enlightenment of seeing the joy of being in The Now, in this moment, full of love and gratitude for the beauty and blessings that surrounds us -- you're way ahead of the game. Learning to live, not fearing you're dying, is something not all get to experience. It is a hugely evolved way of being. Full of awesome feelings that feel divine. I've learned to find serenity along with joy, even in the midst of my horror story. I have found that we each have the power to consciously choose to become The Witness, or The Observer. Most especially at moment when we're embroiled in trauma and drama. It releases us. Seeing from above, we gain a kind of control over ourselves. It is both liberating and empowering. These Awarenesses are what I wish for you all, with all my heart. I REFUSE TO ALLOW FEAR-DRIVEN CONCEPTS TO MANIPULATE ME AND PLAY GAMES WITH MY LIFE AND WELL-BEING. (I have that message, blown up in uber large print, by my desk, to look at each day.) We all slip and forget from time to time. We need reminders. YES, I CAN DO THIS! I BELIEVE... is another I have in my face, framed in the kitchen. That and LOVE MUCH. Andi __________________ Andi BB '95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive... '98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!) + good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either... Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...