[BonnieR]

Pam, you are entitled to feel exactly the way you do, you have so much going on. Physically and emotionally draining you. I can only remind you that many of these things are temporary even though you feel in an abyss right now. I was recently looking back over my journal entries from the height(depth) of my bad days where I was in such pain and despair.
I think some medications add to depression too
It is hard to feel so weak and malnourished but still not have an appetite. The medical marijuana was not a bad suggestion. And, as others said, just try to eat tiny frequent amounts of high fat and protein foods. Milk shakes, cheese, Ensure, etc.
Enlist all the help you can. When people ask how they can help you, give them something to do.
But mostly, you want to feel less powerless. And you will. I always end my posts with "keep the faith" because I believe that mantra. Things are not always going to be as bad as they feel today.
Love.