[cc4npg]

I don't know anything else yet. I'm just trying to remain calm and think logically because honestly if it were in my lungs THAT bad, I would have a cough or shortness of breath or something... at least weight loss/fatigue. The only fatigue I have is self inflicted from worry and stress, which is a horrible way to start this fight, but I assume you guys went thru the same feeling of absolute and complete sheer terror to begin with. I think that's starting to fade with me. No one has woken me up from the nightmare, and I've kept telling myself "I have cancer" to get it to sink in... it's there.. I can't do anything about it right now... but I have to face it's there. I thought I was being punished at first. I'm a Christian, but I've not been the Christian I should have been. A fellow Christian told me today that God doesn't work this way, that whatever I'd done had long been forgiven and I was punishing myself. That was where most of my fear was coming from... fear God was angry. But He's not... He heard my cries. I wanted a sign... specifically, I wanted and longed to see my mother who was hit by a petroleum truck in 2006. She was what held me together with her strong faith and trust in God. I haven't seen her, but I've had many strange things happen since my diagnosis and desperate prayer. Yesterday, my aunt (who I haven't talked to since 2006) called. There was a family falling out after my mother died, so her call to tell me she loved me and was praying was definitely unexpected. I also ran into an old co-worker yesterday quite by accident who I really thought a lot of and said she would pray. My son, just 2 years old, saw me crying and told me a couple of times "Mommy, it'll be ok"... he then found a tissue, brought it to me, WIPED my eyes, and put it to my nose and said "Mommy, blow your nose". When I told him I couldn't, he responded, "Mommy it'll be alright". Today, I had more strange calls, and a text from someone who owed me money (this person was actually avoiding me, was last in another state, so this was weird). This person actually has offered to help if needed with outside work or whatever around the house, as well as to say he was going to still pay me back! And lastly, my significant other, who had moved out the beginning of the year, had been trying to find someone to take over his apartment lease. Today, oddly, a friends mother came over and liked the apartment and is hoping to move in Wednesday! Now tell me, and I know there have to be many believers out there... these are truly signs, right? I mean, in the whole scheme of miracles and signs, these things can't just have all happened from sheer coincidence. A two year old doesn't say or do those things normally. Oh, and this morning, he said, "Mommy, you won't die, it'll be alright".