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v-ness · 07-24-2010, 09:56 PM

thank you everybody. i am having an extremely difficult time of it. bonnier, the cat in my profile picture, tiger, died the same night as my mother. within half an hour, in fact. i had 'virtually adopted' him at Best Friends Animal Society in utah and just saw him june 1-6 when he was doing great, going on walks on his leash and catching lizards. then 2 wks after i left he swiftly declined and i got the call about him as soon as i got home from the hospital after my mother had died.

i couldn't make this stuff up.

anyway, i knew my june time with tiger was bonus. i never thought i'd see him again after my february visit and i am fortunate he lived long enough for us to have more quality time.

my mom was a shock and i miss her something awful. her house was on the marker for 2 1/2 yrs already and just sold, so my sisters and i are plunged into having to empty it. they are not able to deal with her closet, her bureau drawers, much less mixing her ashes with our father's, as they wished. so i have done those things. but i am suffering emotionally. right now i am on a short unpaid leave from work (i have no paid or sick time left, what with my leave after bob died then all the cancer time off). trying to get a handle on my emotions with my shrink and onco. it's not just pure grief because of the cancer aspect and the knowledge that mom was taking care of me while she was dying. i feel guilty and feel like i should have known something was really wrong before she ended up in the ICU.

i thought things couldn't get harder after bob died. then breast cancer happened. and now mom. someone naturally gave me that quote that god doesn't give you more than you can handle.... but i am afraid i have to really disagree on that one.

thank you for your thoughts on my behalf and the virtual hugs. i need them all and appreciate them greatly. i am glad to have this place to vent.

i'm worrying about cancer again now because of the stress i've been under. it's like how dare i think i can beat cancer when it's killed the 2 people closest to me, and 2 of my cats in one year. i have to somehow get my mojo back and i don't even begin to know how at this point.

valerie

07-24-2010, 09:56 PM	#12
v-ness Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: western ma Posts: 280	Re: Book Recommendation thank you everybody. i am having an extremely difficult time of it. bonnier, the cat in my profile picture, tiger, died the same night as my mother. within half an hour, in fact. i had 'virtually adopted' him at Best Friends Animal Society in utah and just saw him june 1-6 when he was doing great, going on walks on his leash and catching lizards. then 2 wks after i left he swiftly declined and i got the call about him as soon as i got home from the hospital after my mother had died. i couldn't make this stuff up. anyway, i knew my june time with tiger was bonus. i never thought i'd see him again after my february visit and i am fortunate he lived long enough for us to have more quality time. my mom was a shock and i miss her something awful. her house was on the marker for 2 1/2 yrs already and just sold, so my sisters and i are plunged into having to empty it. they are not able to deal with her closet, her bureau drawers, much less mixing her ashes with our father's, as they wished. so i have done those things. but i am suffering emotionally. right now i am on a short unpaid leave from work (i have no paid or sick time left, what with my leave after bob died then all the cancer time off). trying to get a handle on my emotions with my shrink and onco. it's not just pure grief because of the cancer aspect and the knowledge that mom was taking care of me while she was dying. i feel guilty and feel like i should have known something was really wrong before she ended up in the ICU. i thought things couldn't get harder after bob died. then breast cancer happened. and now mom. someone naturally gave me that quote that god doesn't give you more than you can handle.... but i am afraid i have to really disagree on that one. thank you for your thoughts on my behalf and the virtual hugs. i need them all and appreciate them greatly. i am glad to have this place to vent. i'm worrying about cancer again now because of the stress i've been under. it's like how dare i think i can beat cancer when it's killed the 2 people closest to me, and 2 of my cats in one year. i have to somehow get my mojo back and i don't even begin to know how at this point. valerie __________________ 8/09 - IDC 1.8 cm triple positive, lumpectomy left breast 10/09 began chemo (taxotere & carboplatin) and weekly herceptin. 1/21/10 finished chemo, continued on herceptin every 3 weeks until 10/2010. 2/10 began 7 wks of radiation 6/10 mom dies of primary peritoneal ovarian cancer 8/10 got my last remaining ovary out 10/10 mammogram all clear 3/11 MRI shows 5 'spots' in right breast, largest 1 cm unidentifiable on US needle biopsy proved the largest to be old inflamed cyst -phew! 7/10 switched to Arimidex 8/9 switched to Femara - allergic to arimidex Femara made me lose hair quickly so switched to Aromasin Aromasin made my hair fall out too and the bone pain was too much. back on Tamoxifen 1/2013. blood clot from trains and planes 5/2014 so on coumadin per onco for as long as i am on tamoxifen tamoxifen was supposed to be up with my 5 yrs in may but my boyfriend was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer so i am staying on tamoxifen indefinitely because i want some ammo against BC, given the stress. lost my husband in only 10 wks in 2007 to stage 4 esophageal cancer. cancer's screwing with another man i love 2/2016 - 6yrs in remission, off tamoxifen and off coumadin - yay!