[Jean]

Patrice,
I believe your reactions are extremely normal.
After a round of this disease most of us consider everything we have been doing or not doing or wish to do. Let's face it - having this dx. and then treatment is certainly a wake up call. Is it not only human and normal to evaluate where you are - if you are satisfied with what you are doing. Yes there is the practical side of earning a living and paying those bills.

Years ago my family dr. (God rest his soul) he practiced until he was 90 yrs. and kept up with all the new medical information. He had said something to me when I was just a young girl in college. The mind helps heal the body. At the time I did not really digest his words. While our bodies are adjusting to illness, treatment, chemical changes etc., we still have our minds and thoughts.
I came to understand his words of wisdom. If we can keep our minds strong and positive and move in the direction of our hearts desire we then can begin to reach a balance. Now each person has their own set of thoughts and feelings. My own thoughts are a strong mind certainly leads us through the dark days we must face in our life time.

You are just coming to the finish line with your treatment so that is a big milestone in your life. Of course you should be considering your new life and how you wish to enjoy it. Enjoy is he key word I hear in your post. Good for you - you want more out of life now. Well why not. As Celeste pointed out - it is out there for the taking....yes it will take some planning and work but once you set a goal and work towards it most times it will happen.

Think about it this way...most major corporations have a business plan. Well most people do not sit down and map out a good quality of life plan. Write down your desires and then see what is possible and how can you make it happen. I have a large group working for me and one of the things I do the beginning of each year is meeting with each one and setting up a personal business plan. And it is not all business some of it is doing personal things which help a person to rebound and feel good about themselves. It is a wonderful feeling of accomplishment to achieve ones goals. Maybe you may not hit all the goals you desire, but you should hit one or two.

Our minds are very powerful - there are many activities to become involved with that hold great value. Laurel raises that wise comment.

Reading many of the posts on this board and just reading of other women...so many who have been dx or touched by this disease have become stronger and better for it. Strange as that sounds it is true.
We are amazing and are capable of so much. I think you already realize that and are feeling that way from your post and maybe you are feeling trapped and frustrated.
So take small steps in making the life changes that will bring a smile of satisfaction on your face. There are many facilities that could use your help. Or just write down some of the type of jobs you would like. Then go after them. In the meantime you still have your current job which pays the bills but your feet are moving in a new direction.

Sending you best wishes, Please keep us updated.
Jean