[Soccermom]

Oh My Goddness... you all "GET" it !
I cant be happy for me when I see others suffering. I know this sounds wrong, but if G-d asked me to chose between keeping my life VS. a mother with children, I WOULD give mine.
No, its not the depression talking,No its not being smug because I havent and most likely will never be asked to make this choice...it because I am "over it"...WHERE THE H*LL IS THE CURE!
And Ellie, "I really believe that the emotional aspects of this disease are as painful as all the physical hell we go through. The constant struggle to survive coupled with being stalked by an unseen enemy is often soul destroying.It seems to me that the after effects of bc are very similar to post traumatic stress experienced by soldiers. The problem is that there seems to be very little recognition that this is a widespread problem.
" You are so very right,I feel like I (and other Survivors) are damaged goods that no one (Medical Professionals) know how to deal with as far as our emotional and even sometimes physical side effects after our treatments,so they dont.
I dont feel like I am living in the same dimension as those who havent experienced Cancer as a patient or caregiver/loved one. When I try and describe to the "others"...this cancer experience they look at me with pity,tell me I should be so proud (WHY?! I didnt DO anything ...I sat there and chemicals pumped into my veins...I laid on a table and had my body parts chopped off...but da*n I didn't DO anything"...sometimes this Survival is a trial of its own.
I know those with advanced disease probably are thinking what a jack*ss I am about right now...cant say I blame them....I am just a lousy example of a Survivor. No longer feel like being a part of the walks,and relays and being paraded in front of media as a "SURVIVOR". I do however LOVE being able to comfort a new BC sister and to be able to say that the chemo and treatments are all "survivable"...but I HATE not being able to be honest and tell them the truth...at least MY truth that there is not always a "happy ending" after the "busyness" of all the hustle and bustle of chemo,rads,surgery and Onc visits is over.
You have all been so eloquent! I know what you are thinking...I need to get help...and I have ...they just dont seem to "get me".
Sigh...thanks for giving me this safe place to express myself!
I am not crazy, just honest.
Hugs and love to all,
Marcia
P.S
V-ness I can imagine how you must have felt, I am so sorry you were put into that position.
Tricia, you are a sweet person...I see your posts on another site and you are so kind to all.
Jean, Thank you! I KNEW I'd have BC since I was 13. In college I did on campus TV and had ACS and Reach to rcovery folks on my programming (in 1976). I have been a patient advocate for 10 years, long before my diagnosis...self fulfilling prophecy? am I that powerful? I think not. I am a R to R volunteer now, Outreach coordinator for FORCE,
have sat in on so many seminars and conferencesfor over ten years. I havent saved any lives (that I know of) at least that would make some sense of all of this.
How can I move on/should I try?
Marcia