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Update:

Thank you all for your support. I realize that in a place where people come here for support in the fight for their lives, relationship troubles sound like a blessing.

I shared my running accomplishments b/c running has helped me cope with alot of the fears that comes with survival. Meeting someone that shared my love for running and who i felt understood my breast cancer fears seems very appealing.

For all who mentioned therapy, I was headed that way if the relationship lasted (as a therapist myself, i recognize the effectiveness of having an unbiased counselor walk me through emotional minefields. The best therapists need the eyes and ears of another therapist to help them). But the relationship didn't last.

It turns out that DJ has more issues regarding his own insecurity that in realized. He had such low self esteem that his entire identity was as "the guy who lost his fiancee to BC" .. he told his story over and over for year, elicited empathy for people repeated. There was no room for me in his love story, b/c no one feels sorry for a guy who is happy and in love... but he suer got a lot of attention from every for losing his fiancee 5 years ago.

I am sorry to say that it took only a few short months for me to i "catch him" (b/c he gave me his email password to show me i could trust him ??) trying to hit on/ meet/ arrange dates with several (12) women over the internet. In a disgusting turn of event, it seems he uses his "fiancee" story to elicit sympathy and trigger the maternal instinct of the women he is trying to hit on. His story is very effective as it is based in truth. As the "alpha girl" of this bakers dozen of female attention, i was the one who got the title of girlfriend, the wedding proposal, and the job of taking care of him in real life, and accordingly I was extremely repulsed by what i found. In one instance, he even used my cancer history to elicit the maternal instinct for an interest of his, after she accidently found out he and i were a couple.

In defense of his deceased fiancee, I spent a good hour and half demanding that he have some respect for her life and her fight, pointing out that she is not a tool to be used to elicit sympathy from women, that his story of loss should be saved for the right girl, after he gets to know her, and not to be used a story to get a girl..

I wanted to report the irony of my initial concern, "how do i handle competing with his memory of his past love".. when by the end i was the one defending her honor and demanding that he show her the respect she deserves. I demanded that he seek help for his insecurity and a help processing his loss so that he can find a way to more on with his life.

So my sense of something about the pedestal he put his fiance on being too much ,which initially brought me here, was correct. It was too much. He continually idolized her and the reason that he could never mention me to reporters was that it would blow his chance to use he "lost love" story to get girls at races..

disgusting, huh?

I have honestly never told off another human being with so much voracity in my lifetime and by the time i was done, i had brought him to tears. I believe that no non-survivor, would ever have had the guts to stand up to him the way I did. I felt that I defended his fiancee's life and honored her struggle in a way she truly deserved and I have seen since that he dosen't through his story around anymore like he used to..

So there it is.. the update.

Thank you for your eyes and ears here and permitting me to vent about something not a serious as the fight you all are facing and I one found myself in as well.

Take care