Skip,
Funny thing about the typing, it looks bold but in the end it isn't. Maybe it's the opposite of people fighting cancer - we don't feel bold but then we find we are after all.
You can read my "cancer bio" below, I was diagnosed with Stage IV in Sept 2004 and, like Lori, currently have no evidence of disease.
Part of the battle - maybe the biggest part - is maintaining hope. There is much reason to be hopeful.
For me, what helped most early on was being told (by a fabulous oncologist) that the game had changed for Her2 positive bc. That more and more, people are living well and much longer with this disease - and that there is a ton of research going on in this area (her2+ cancer).
See how your wife responds to therapy - getting some "good news" will be the biggest encouragement.
Be aware as you learn and do research on this disease, most statistics are still "old", before Herceptin, and not really applicable any more.
I first came to this support board in my search for realistic hope, and found a wealth of information and news about how research is progressing. There are a lot of very smart people working on this, and it is my hope, and belief, that answers will be found. My job is to hang on long enough to benefit.
Some books I found helpful were "There's no place like hope" by cancer survivor Vickie Girard. Also, check out the book "fight Cancer" by Richard Bloch. You can actually download it off the internet. This book has been around forever but has very useful sections for caregivers as well as patients. Bloch was diagnosed with lung cancer, told there was no hope, and then went on to live a ridiculously long time before dying of something else in his 90's.
Don't get me wrong. Fighting cancer is not easy, and although I try to be positive I have days (not as many as at first) where it's just too much. It will always be a rollercoaster, but you can and will learn to ride it.
For the most part, even though there have been ups and downs, I've been able to be fully in my life, and I love my life! I've continued to work, travel, and just be like a normal person.
The most important thing my husband did to help me was to let me know he loved me and was in it with me for the long haul. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
He also expected me to still make his dinner (except on chemo day)! He expected me to live and to carry on - and I did. Although I would have perhaps benefited from a little more pampering
Hang in there, keep faith. We are here to support you both in any way we can.
Chris