[Becky]

In any relationship there are three things - you, the other person and the "couple" that you are.

You need to work on and understand all three components. First is you - a fine athlete (I am a non competitive runner so I understand that part) - very fine you are if I might say so myself (100 miles doing less than 8.5 minute miles - all I can say is WOW!!). And that you are surviving BC too. Do not diminish these things in any way.

Second is the significant other - you are wonderful, he needs to move on. Can he or has he begun to define himself (and perhaps his shortcomings personally or professionally) on his past loss. A loss such as what he experienced is profound, but sometimes early on one learns that it can be used as an excuse - (ie: I couldn't get the report done on time because....) and another could be that he attributes his gains "in her honor" versus just being egocentric and saying "I worked my butt off to be the best and win this race". He has to make it humble and the former fiancee's BC death is the way to do that rather than just being able to say "I am the best". Sometimes that is a hard thing for people to say about themselves.

Lastly you have the "couple" part which is how you are together. Are you good together? Is the fact that you think he may love you more if you recurred a factor? Do you think he may put you on the pedestal he has put his former love? Is he afraid to lose you too? Or is your relationship ok and it is just his outsider behavior? Have you discussed this with him at all?

The only advice I can truly offer is do not diminish yourself and your running accomplishments and survivor status. To run 8.5 min miles for 100 miles shows NO fear and you haven't recurred in over 5 yrs so your chance of doing so is also low. Go, go, go. The rest is up to you and him. I will go the "Dear Abby" route and recommend joint and individual therapy for all "three" of you.