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Believe51 · 11-16-2009, 10:09 AM

Of all the things I have ever written here this is the toughest, for I am a woman greatly changed. His wake was one full of my laughter, tears and coffee. I have a video I would like to offer to travel and it was a perfect touch to a magical send off. My favorite picture is him smiling through the Gamma Knife head piece. Ed waited for his 14th Wedding Anniversary to pass. For 4 weeks no food or water and seeing this I know there is nothing that I cannot do, that you cannot do! Being Marie, I walked into the Hospice room and excitedly and lying I said "Happy Anniversary Baby!!". He shook his paralyzed head NO! I told him that day to let go and it would not be giving up, it would be leaving on his terms...shook his head NO!. He fought for his last breath just as promised and all with a smile. Well that was the 6th of October. He passed on the 16th and I arranged it so he was buried on his Anniversary. He would have wanted that. We officially started our life together that day and officially ended our journey. God I miss him and life is so different.

I am well my Loves, I cannot believe just how well. That comes with doing all we can and looking at what we have in front of us and fighting it. It is never looking back and always looking at the moment. It is knowing that the fight is not over even when your heart does. It means letting go but holding on forever. I had a perfect life for so long and this journey has made me a better stronger person.

December 12th the foundation opens and I will be finally working. The doors have been closing and opening for some time now. I will forever fight breast cancer....I am responsible for my own job description and budget....come on now....this is Believe51 and this bitch is gonna do some damage!!! Pardon me...living in the moment...LOL

I do this in honor of Ed and our other Angels, I do this in tribute to my love and respect for you and I most certainly do it for all of the woman to come.

PS...I just cannot change his status right now and in Facebook I think I am going to change mine to single instead of widow. I hate this...yes I said that word!!

11-16-2009, 10:09 AM	#1
Believe51 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: RHODE ISLAND (Ed getting me a latte on 2nd Cancerversary Cruise 2008) 'BELIEVE': To accept as true or real, To have faith in, To presume ALWAYS BELIEVE Posts: 2,999	~Believe51~Back In The Saddle Again!! Of all the things I have ever written here this is the toughest, for I am a woman greatly changed. His wake was one full of my laughter, tears and coffee. I have a video I would like to offer to travel and it was a perfect touch to a magical send off. My favorite picture is him smiling through the Gamma Knife head piece. Ed waited for his 14th Wedding Anniversary to pass. For 4 weeks no food or water and seeing this I know there is nothing that I cannot do, that you cannot do! Being Marie, I walked into the Hospice room and excitedly and lying I said "Happy Anniversary Baby!!". He shook his paralyzed head NO! I told him that day to let go and it would not be giving up, it would be leaving on his terms...shook his head NO!. He fought for his last breath just as promised and all with a smile. Well that was the 6th of October. He passed on the 16th and I arranged it so he was buried on his Anniversary. He would have wanted that. We officially started our life together that day and officially ended our journey. God I miss him and life is so different. I am well my Loves, I cannot believe just how well. That comes with doing all we can and looking at what we have in front of us and fighting it. It is never looking back and always looking at the moment. It is knowing that the fight is not over even when your heart does. It means letting go but holding on forever. I had a perfect life for so long and this journey has made me a better stronger person. December 12th the foundation opens and I will be finally working. The doors have been closing and opening for some time now. I will forever fight breast cancer....I am responsible for my own job description and budget....come on now....this is Believe51 and this bitch is gonna do some damage!!! Pardon me...living in the moment...LOL I do this in honor of Ed and our other Angels, I do this in tribute to my love and respect for you and I most certainly do it for all of the woman to come. PS...I just cannot change his status right now and in Facebook I think I am going to change mine to single instead of widow. I hate this...yes I said that word!! __________________ 9/7/06Husband 50yrs=StageIV IBC/HER2+,BoneMets10/06TaxotereX10,'H'1X wk,Zometa,Tamoxifen4/12/07Last Tax5/18/07Pet=Rapid Cell Activity,No Organ Mets,Lytic Lesions,Degeneration,Some Bone Repair5/07ChemoFail6/01/07Pleural Thoracentisis=Effusions,NoMalignantCells6/19/07+7/2/07DFCI 6/25/07BrainMRI=BrainMets,Many<9mm7/10/07WBR/PelvisRad37.5Gx15&Nutritionist8/19/07T/X9/20/07BrainMRI=2<2mm10/6/07Pet=BoneProgression 10/24/07ChemoFail11/9/07A/Cx10,EndTam12/7/07Faslodex12/10/07Muga7512/13/07BlasticLesions1/7/08BrainMRI=Clear4/1/08Pet=BoneImprovement, NoProgression,Stable4/7/08BrainPerfect5/16/08Last A/C8/26/08BrainMets=10(<9mm)9/10/08Gamma10/30/08Met=5mm12/19/08Gamma5mets5 12/22/08SpinalMets1/14/09SpinalRads2/17/09BrainMRI=NoNewMets4/20/09BoneScan5/14/09Ixempra6/1/09BrainMRI=NumerousMets6/24/09DFCIw/DrBurstein6/26/09Continue Ixempra/Faslodex/Zometa~TM now lower7/17/09Stop Ixempra By Choice9/21/09HOSPICE10/16/09Earned His Deserved Wings And Halo=37 Month Fight w/Stage 4 IBC, Her2+++,My Hero!!