[loveher]

My mom passed yesterday morning 11 am. I havent actually slept so it feels like it happened today.

It was very peacefull. Not at all how it is in the movies. We were all by her side. Her blood pressure lowered and her breathing became more and more difficult until she decieded to finally take a rest from this long long journey.

I've been feeling a mixture of things. I feel sad, i felt frustrated with the world, some moments i still feel like i need to call the doctors and ask about tumor markers and scans but I've also had moments where i felt a lot of relief. at the actual moment it happened i felt relieved.

It's been an unbelievable 10 years. all these years of fighting with set backs and victories. a lot of tears shed. through everything i have seen the ultimate show of strength from my mother. I don't think strength has to scream really loud or boast i think strength is the determination to fight against seemingly insurmoutable odds. My friend texted me and reasurred me that my mom won her battle a long time ago. And i believe it. In my heart my mom is my hero. She's taught me so so much about life, about love. I don't feel like she's gone, she's definently still here.

I'm so glad i found this board. I hope everyone here who is battling this disease will give it all they've got. There's nothing to be afraid of.

love
-Sue