[julierene]

I hate Mr. Cancer running rampant in our loved ones... but at one point I realized DAMN IT! We're all terminal. Then I didn't quite feel so alone anymore. Cancer was my worst enemy, until it made me stop taking my life for granted, and living every moment I could to the best of my ability. I used to think it was the most inhumane unnatural way to die, but now I've changed my tune (a little). After the anger settles some, (and it took me over 15 years after my mother's, brother's, uncle's, and grandfather's death from it) I realized it was kinda nice to have a warning. My mother was the first to go at the age of 33, and after years of wishing I had told her goodbye, I got the chance with all my other relatives.

As I sit and write the memoir about my life, I am almost thankful that I was pushed into doing it by cancer. I was pushed into making scrapbooks for my children to cherish when I am gone. There are some good things, but much anger when dealing with being taken too soon. I've already lived 4 years longer than I thought I would and at any given point, it might be over. I wish there were more I could say to comfort you, but it's a cherished treat to be able to hug the one you love, tell them how much they mean to you, and how much you will miss them.

As I said 'goodbye' to a friend I had met in the chemo room, the ole' man hugged me and said I helped to brighten his stay in the dreary days he spent getting chemo. I got to hug this newfound friend, on his way back to his home state, where he spent the last few days. He hugged me in a way I will never forget and always cherish. I hope you will too someday be warmed by all the good memories... No matter how comforting you can try to be, "The more you love, the more you ache". I know you loved him so much that it hurts. You have an amazing amount of love and support here to lean on. What a tribute to his memory. I know it's gagging sometimes to get people's advice, but here is mine: "let people help you and try not to rob them of that wonderfully giving opportunity". Lots of love, Julie