[alicem]

Marie,

You know my heart and so I hope you accept that what I write here is with the best of intentions. I just feel the need to share this with you in hopes that it will be helpful.

As I shared with everyone here, my father died on April 4th - he was 88. We had called in hospice on April 2nd. At that time, they told us he was in the "pre-active" stage of dying and that he would pass in about 2 weeks. As it was, the whole family was in town so we went to Houston to be with him. On Saturday, my brother and I spent the morning with him and I remained as my brother went home for lunch. After he left, I had the best conversation with my dad - even though he had had a stroke and couldn't speak. (He could squeeze my hand to let him know he understood.) I talked to him about all that you might imagine one would say at a time like this. Most importantly, I told him that even though we would miss him terribly - we would be okay after he was gone. I told him that mom (who died Sept. '09) was waiting for him & I knew he had missed her terribly and was ready to be with her; we were prepared for him to join her. At this, his eyes filled with tears. He actually looked up towards an upper corner of the room. I believe he could see my mom. I then made 4 phone calls to his brother and 3 sisters. I told them what was going on and that dad couldn't speak but he could listen. One at a time, they were each able to give their love to him and to tell him goodbye. I could tell by the expression on his face that he heard them. During the last phone call with his youngest sister, his expression changed and I suddenly realized that he had passed. I was at first shocked because I thought we had more time, but then I realized I had given him permission to die and I truly believe that made a big difference.

Marie, I only share this because you are praying for a quick end with little suffering. You have probably already had a similar conversation with your Mighty Oak. But even though I have only known you since I met you at this forum in January, I feel like I have known you AND Ed much longer. I thought there might be a small chance that he is hanging on for you and his love for you.

Finally, when my mom died ten years ago, I had no idea what the dying process was like and was really caught off guard. I wanted to be more prepared when my dad took this journey. I found the following link from Hospice that described both the "preactive" and the "active" stage of dying. I am including it for you in the hope that it will be helpful.

http://organizedwisdom.com/helpbar/index.html?return=http://organizedwisdom.com/Physical_Stages_of_Dying&url=www.hospicepatients.o rg/hospic60.html

You are both, as always, in my prayers. We are all with you in spirit even though we can't be with you in person.

With deep love, and respect ----- Alice