HER2 Support Group Forums - View Single Post - ~This Sounds So Terrible Of Me, Please Forgive Me

chrisy · 08-27-2009, 10:18 AM

Marie,
I think it's unanimous on the "forget about asking forgiveness". Your openness is a gift and of course you are forgiven if that's what you want, but I am overwhelmed with gratitude to you for trusting us with your heart even as it is breaking.

Everyone has spoken here with such wisdom - and I have very little to add. I'm glad you are reaching out to hospice - I also have never heard anyone regret making this move, only wishing they had done it sooner.

You wrote
I cannot take much more of seeing him like this and I really think it is because he does not want to leave me.

Marie, this could be true. You've told us before of your promises to each other to keep fighting, and also of the permission you have given Ed to decide when it is enough. I hear you whispering that this moment may be approaching. Ed may feel that as well, but really, who would EVER want to leave you?

Letting go is not the same as giving up...we know you have love for Ed that can and has moved mountains, that you are so proud of him and how hard he has fought and never given up...and that if he decides it is time to let go it will be ok.

Praying for you constantly...
Chris

08-27-2009, 10:18 AM	#12
chrisy Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Central Coast, CA Posts: 3,207	Re: ~This Sounds So Terrible Of Me, Please Forgive Me Marie, I think it's unanimous on the "forget about asking forgiveness". Your openness is a gift and of course you are forgiven if that's what you want, but I am overwhelmed with gratitude to you for trusting us with your heart even as it is breaking. Everyone has spoken here with such wisdom - and I have very little to add. I'm glad you are reaching out to hospice - I also have never heard anyone regret making this move, only wishing they had done it sooner. You wrote I cannot take much more of seeing him like this and I really think it is because he does not want to leave me. Marie, this could be true. You've told us before of your promises to each other to keep fighting, and also of the permission you have given Ed to decide when it is enough. I hear you whispering that this moment may be approaching. Ed may feel that as well, but really, who would EVER want to leave you? Letting go is not the same as giving up...we know you have love for Ed that can and has moved mountains, that you are so proud of him and how hard he has fought and never given up...and that if he decides it is time to let go it will be ok. Praying for you constantly... Chris __________________ Chris in Scotts Valley June 2002 extensive hi grade DCIS (pre-cancer-stage 0, clean sentinal node) Mastectomy/implant - no chemo, rads. "cured?" 9/2004 Diag: Stage IV extensive liver mets (!) ER/PR- Her2+++ 10/04-3/05 Weekly Taxol/Carboplatin/Herceptin , complete response! 04/05 - 4/07 Herception every 3 wks, Continue NED 04/07 - recurrence to liver - 2 spots, starting tykerb/avastin trial 06/07 8/07 10/07 Scans show stable, continue on Tykerb/Avastin 01/08 Progression in liver 02/08 Begin (TDM1) trial 08/08 NED! It's Working! Continue on TDM1 02/09 Continue NED 02/10 Continue NED. 5/10 9/10 Scans NED 10/10 Scans NED 12/10 Scans not clear....4/11 Scans suggest progression 6/11 progression confirmed in liver 07/11 - 11/11 Herceptin/Xeloda -not working:( 12/11 Begin MM302 Phase I trial - bust:( 03/12 3rd times the charm? AKT trial 5/12 Scan shows reduction! 7/12 More reduction!!!! 8/12 Whoops...progression...trying for Perjeta/Herceptin (plus some more nasty chemo!) 9/12 Start Perjeta/Herceptin, chemo on hold due to infection/wound in leg, added on cycle 2 &3 11/12 Poops! progression in liver, Stop Perjeta/Taxo/Herc 11/12 Navelbine/Herce[ptin - try for a 3 cycles, no go. 2/13 Gemzar/Carbo/Herceptin - no go. 3/13 TACE procedure