[Believe51]

He is still recovering from the last treatment on 6/26 and has chosen or more like forced to stop this chemo. He has severe neuropathy, it was made worse with this drug, and again it is painful for him. Having problems walking through the house between that and the bone issues. There is a cough present with a phlegm, not quite 'sick' in color now, but no fever or infection. Ed has the taste of metal still in his mouth, appetite is getting a little better, eating solid foods now. Weight is now a staggering 176 and this sucks. Ed is fatigued and is going to have bloodwork tomorrow to check for a series of answers. Our doctor is out of town and I hate to disappoint him but....Ed needed a catscan on Monday and could not go, he has a brain MRI Wednesday and cannot make it, instead he will go for bloodwork. He has a bone scan next week and we need these all completed before the 29th. Decisions will have to take place there. Ed will not be going for the next treatment, I know it will kill him. This is a wonderful drug but for frail people like Ed and such, they do not bounce back from it like the other treatments. He has been on 4 regimes and his body is not up to the fight like before and he can not get past the Ixempra. There have been a couple of times that he has gasped for his breathe and could not do it, and only passed out that one time. This does sadden me because we are unsure if this passes the BBB and the tumor markers are dropping for him. Oh well, if he says stop because this will take him out I have to listen. Ed knows how much he can take and push himself. Please do not let me scare anyone with this drug, Ed has lost consistently 100 pounds since 9-06. This drug he just cannot keep up with. There is still a fight in his eyes and a desire to conquer....and then sometimes when he blinks it is as though they look tired and defeated. I have done alot of crying lately and it is something that just happens. I cannot control it. The talks of death and such overwhelms me alot and I have to take it in small batches now. I feel suffocated and sad.

On another note, my physco grandmother spitefully raised my rent $100 per month. She has always treated us weird but ever since he has gotten ill it is severe. Ed is of no service to her anymore, dispose. You know if she said the economy is bad and I need more income I would understand completely. She thinks we got money from my Mother-in-Law and wants a piece and I know this for a fact, truely spiteful and crazy.I am angered by the way she is anything but my grandmother!! Wait until I tell her that the money we got went to a casket and beautiful headstone. Our life is none of her business and I cannot stand how she does not care he is fighting for every day and I am still jobless. Spiteful troll! I cannot control what feelings I have now and she puts more on me. Any thoughts or feelings to help me here? I know I have complained about pyscho before and I am so sorry to rant about her again. I am embarassed that people like her exist...please do not think badly of me for this, try to pray for me.

Hahaha, aren't you glad you asked about us??(lol). I do feel better and sorry to ramble but can she not just leave us alone? This is tough enough for me, living is tough enough. My boy lays in his chair in and out of sleep, he is slowly coming out of this. I am so uncertain what to do from here. Believe it or not, Adriamycin was also mentioned....uhh, noo! I trudge forward hoping we can get these tests done soon.

Thanks pals, I was so happy to come here and see this post. To look around and know how loved we are. I cannot tell you how much you all mean to me but I think you know. Thanks for making me never feel alone and to always feel loved. Your love and support has allowed me to move forward with courage and fight!! This post made me smile>>Believe51