[freyja]

Thanks for that report, Joy.
I'm relatively new to this group so you're probably not familiar with me, yet...but I relate to some of what you're saying. I've had four out of six of my TCH treatments, and the first half of my chemo I have been the positive, inspiring, determined patient, busy active mom, caring wife.
This last week I caught a cold on top of some heavy side effects, and I've been so low. My mind wanders to some dark places. Then I go with my 5 year old to the in-laws place in the woods by the creek and sit by the campfire and listen to my son's stories and come home and my husband wraps me up in his arms and takes me out to eat.
Then I realize, this is really scary for everyone around us, and they are depending on us to stay positive and hold onto our hope, determination and will...not that we really lose it, it just gets a little clouded over sometimes with waves of fear, insecurities, dispair. I think it's healthy to recognize those waves, and then remember that's what they are...waves, and they will pass, and we'll soon be in calm waters again.
It kida reminds me of being in labor and one contraction seeming like it's just to much to bear, but then it's over and I realize if I can get through that one I can get through another one, step by step, one moment at a time, until before you know it, you've accomplished a miracle.
Now we're giving birth to ourselves. It's scary, because we don't know what this new life will be or where it will take us, but it can also be an exciting opportunity to discover things about ourselves and our lives that we never would have otherwise.
We are women, mothers, sisters, warriors...we can do this.
Love, Celeste