[Pam P]

Thank you all for your support and kindness. I love you all on this site.
I had a terrible night tossing & turning. I'm glad my appointment with the cardiologist is in the morning only a couple of hours to wait to get some more information and hopefully some good news with a clear and non invasive treatment plan. I'm thinking this has got to be because of the taxol/avastin. If I get off of these drugs hopefully the damage can be reversible. I know with others of you the LVEF has gone done, but has improved. I don't know about the cardio sac effusion - hopefully that will too. Has anyone had that before? I'm most worried about the heart wall weakening - I don't know what that means or if that could be caused by avastin. Today my heart is very heavy literally & figuratively. I'm scared of an angiogram & hope I don't have to have that. I'm scared of what will happen now - I was feeling like I was doing pretty well with the chemo & the cancer seems to be stable.

I have my son, daughter-in law & 15 month old grandson living with me. A second baby is due any day now! This has been such an exciting time waiting for the grandbaby this week. Now all of a sudden I dont know if I will be able to care for the 15 month old when they're in the hospital - and there arent' other good family options. And will I be in the hospital myself & miss the birth. My mind is racing and i'm rambling away hoping to get this all of my chest - pun intended. I'm trying to pray but can't settle down so I'm so grateful that you are holding me in prayer.