[Debra]

Well everyone - I had a good cry today! Not because I am still in a down mood but because I am so thankful to have you all on this site when I address something because you all are the only ones that really truly know how I feel. I feel so alone amongst the rest of the world. I know I am echoeing what has been posted many times!
Someones thread (I believe Norwegian) stated "everyone thinks you are fine because your doctor says you are and you look good". No one understands what goes on in our minds. I know many cancer survivors have more health issues and I feel guilty for feeling this way.
What I have decided after reading the posts is I am going to ask for a PET scan since I am having chronic hip pain. I believe I am putting something off that should be done. I keep telling everyone I have "bursitis" only because I want to convince myself of that. I think it is time to have that PET----even just for piece of mind since I have never had one. I am not doing it just for the heck of it---I am doing it because I am having symptoms. I just had to realize that but frankly was afraid to say I was having symptoms. I just cannot live like this everyday------I am so scared and why now? I will be three years out in December. Why is this hitting me so hard right now? I find myself bargaining; "well if it comes back, I just want both my kids to be out of high school----that would be four years from now.
I don't know how everyone else feels but I am not scared for myself---I don't want my family to go through this again. For you caregivers and loved ones out there, the fear is for you I believe. I can handle what may come to me but I am not sure my family can.
I will do my best to try and not worry about something that "isn't" right now.
I just need to get through the waiting game with the PET scan results. You all know how awful that is. I think that is why I put these things off.
Sorry for the rambling and again, THANK YOU everyone.