[dlaxague]

Hi Sherry,

You state the problem so well - such an important exploration and not one wants to go there! Our society is phobic about death and dying. We hide it and cover it, as if by denial, we can avoid the pain. I think that's it's actually the opposite that's true - we can lessen the pain and move closer to peace by exploration and openness. Other societies are much more open. This is not to say that the losses of death can be made easy - there's always going to be sadness and pain of loss. But there can also be richness and peace, if we open to the explorations.

I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for in books. Do you want Christian viewpoints or other more-generic ones? Like you, I used to feel the need to know more about what would happen, but somewhere along the line I began to trust that whatever it is that will be after leaving this body, it will be good. With that trust, I lost the need to know specifics.

There's a video/DVD that I like for its comfort in talking about death and dying. It's called "Facing Death" by Gangaji, who is an American woman with I think a Hindu background but her perspective is broad and helpful to those of any religious tradition. The DVD includes segments of monologue by Gangaji about death interspersed with conversations, one-on-one, with people from the audience. It's a place to start, and I think that you'll find that she has such a comforting presence that she is able to take much of the fear away from the discussion. Hmm, in looking for a link I'm amazed at how many videos she has. You'll have to scroll far down the page to the "Facing Death" one. And farther down yet there's one about Jesus, another surprise. http://www.gangaji.org/satsang/bookstore/compdoc.asp or tinurl: http://tinyurl.com/5rxd2j

Stephen Levine's books and videos are also good, although I find I can do only a chapter at a time - there's a lot in them. An easier read is Ram Dass' "Still Here", which is not so much about dying as about accepting and being. Both authors have vast experience working with those with life-threatening illness and their tone is comforting and full of peace.

We are all dying and the time to prepare is right now. In looking at death and beginning some of the letting go that paves the way for a more peaceful death - what we are really doing is freeing ourselves to live more fully right now, while we are alive.

I especially relate to your comments about your daughter. So wonderful, and so hard, to be parent. I hope that you'll be able to come to a knowing that your precious one will be fine, whether you spend many more years together or not. Your courage to do this exploration will bring peace not just to you, but to everyone around you including your daughter.

Love,
Debbie Laxague