[chrisy]

Lee and others, you are right, and I know you're right. Having a bump in the road send you off the cliff is, while understandable, not always a good thing! I do find that I feel better after having blown off some of that stress, but I would probably feel even BETTER if I did it in a different way, or under different circumstances.

It's totally not about having to wait another week to be treated! Just like a few months ago, it wasn't really about getting a bad haircut...

By definition, I'd say I have a fair amount of stress in my life dealing with an incurable disease. It's a tough dance for sure, trying to strike the right balance between acceptance and a healthy denial. Refusing to let it get the best of me by trying to maintain a certain sense of normalcy in my life. Trying to maintain a sense of control over what I CAN control (or think I can!). And forgetting that some things just need to be surrendered.

At it's core, my frustration is that I'd really just as soon NOT have cancer. It sucks and I hate it. Oh, and did I mention I HATE IT????

I think, tho, that it would be much more healthy for me if I was better able to experience all those emotions in a more appropriate way - like crying in the shower on alternate Thursdays instead of melting down at random. Ah, there I go again, trying to be a control freak!

Lee, I do have access to counseling for people living with cancer; and I think that's a good recommendation for me at this point.

Thanks for your thoughtful responses, and Lee, the only REAL food enhancer is...chocolate. Stay away from the cheese whiz.