[chrisy]

Oh I feel like such a freakin idiot! So I'd like to invite you all to my little pity party. Please bring gifts of love and understanding and of course, chocolate is always appreciated as well!

I hit what I think is a minor bump in the road this morning and just lost it...

I went in for my T-DM1 treatment this morning and was not able to be treated because my AST was too high. Not as high as it HAS been since I've been on this trial, but too high on infusion day to get the infusion. So I've been pushed back a week (assuming I'm good to go next week). They told me this has happened to some of the other patients in this trial, too.

So of course, I just started weeping uncontrollably right there in the doctor's office in front of the trial coordinator and the NP! And I had NO good reason for crying at all, unless being a blubbering idiot is a good reason.

So there I am crying and there they are staring at me and trying to figure out WHY I'm crying so they can make me stop (I mean that in a good way, I'm sure they wanted to make me feel better!) so I start apologizing and they start apologizing until it sounded like Bill's apology thread. And I'm thinking, hey now I have another most embarrassing moment...

Then they're quizzing me like TSA: "did you have any tylenol? Percoset? did you accept anything from a stranger?" "no, no, I say, only a big bag of buttered popcorn and gigantic diet coke at the movies - oh, and I LOOKED at some wine yesterday, do you think that is it???"

And I still don't know WHY I was crying! Other than getting all psyched up for my miracle drug and being denied...and now having to redo all my schedules after I wrote down all those appointments in INK. Or maybe its the trying to hold my sanity together while dancing barefoot on the edge of a knife!

Maybe next week when I go back, I'll dig up my old redheaded wig and wear that so they won't recognize me...

Now that you've all got chocolate, I wish you all the good cancer fighting polyphenols you can consume, all the hugs you can handle, and all the love you deserve...

Thanks for listening!