[Joy]

Well, I am very happy to report that I had my oophers out yesterday and it went really well. I got into surgery early. The staff and OB/Gyn were fabulous. My friend Martha was my angel. She went with me and hung out with me afterwards. I woke up giggling and feeling totally normal (for me anyway). Almost NO pain and have been up and walking around and visiting and all in all feel T-RIFF. They even kept us there longer because as they said, "we were so much fun." It was like a salon. We chatted about boys and sex and kids and school and periods and everything. The nurse kept coming in and pulling up a chair to see what we were laughing about. Martha brought me home and got us pizza and my other best friend showed up. I got flowers, e-cards, phone calls, dumb magazines and my new man is bringing over homemade bread for me today. As bizarre as it sounds it was a great day.

I only lost it when Martha and I hopped in her car after I said good-bye to my boyfriend. She asked me how I was doing with all of this and I cried and cried and babbled about not wanting to feel like less of a woman or be seen as less of one, espcially with this new relationship. And that I was mad to have to deal with this at all (sound familiar to ALL of us). And that this better work. I want to be around for my kids and for Luca SO much. I have never experienced love and caring for someone with such reciprocation EVER. I want this future. I want it for all of us.

I keep trying to find studies on oopherectomy and/or faslodex/herceptin success. I have found some, but not a lot. I have been lucky to have been such a responder to so much and I have all this fear that this will stop.

My onc called on friday and as you know it is always scary when they call you at home to chat. I had the total parasympathetic reaction to her voice and then she told me that she had finally gotten a hold of Dr. Geyer in Pitsburgh who pulled together the tykerb/xeloda trials. He said that he felt we were on the right path and that he is very excited about hercptin dm1 and he told her to tell me that he was proud of me for hanging in so well and doing so much. He also said to tell me to not lose hope as there are so many other things in development. He is excited about heat shock protein stuff, newer egfr inhibitiors, the small but successful trials with herceptin and avastin. And he said he was very impressed with my success. I hung up and burst into tears from relief and the love that I felt from this doc who doesn't even know me and whose opinion in this onc world means something. People are good aren't they?

So I am trying to take this to heart, still a struggle. I would love any information on stage IV response to oophorectomy/endocrine therapy with herceptin in er/pr+her2+ dx's. And any hope for libido if it gets lost, although I am so in love and attracted to this man that right now I am not as worried as I was.

Again, I'm very sad and sorry for our recent loss and some struggles. I think about all of you here and in heaven so much with such love and respect. But I think we should all feel comfortable with sharing good things still as for those of us here it helps so very much. I say this as I struggle with it myself. But we need to stick together.