[Ruth]

Jamie ~
I don't know if there is a standard roadmap to follow since so many paths differ. But I think that we all can help each other by websites such as this, talking to other survivors and being involved in all the decisions that our lives hold. I went to extremes by radically changing my life because cancer made me see how miserable I was and didn't know it. Cancer actually helped me find the greatest joy I have ever known. I used to volunteer for everyone else's passion, on numerous boards, committee's, homeschooled and owned my own business....basically wore myself out. After diagnosis I stepped back and thought about what is good for me? What do I want to do versus what do I think everyone wants me to do? And finally say "No, I can't help right now. I'm on a path to help myself." Frankly my diagnosis and recurrance risk was really lousy so I decided that I was going to make the most of whatever was coming my way.

I helped start a local BC support group for younger ladies (typically 40ish & under) since there are some things that differ in relationships, feelings and dealing with raising small children while having such a devasting thing happen to you. We talked about kids, spouses, working and how freaked out our close friends were about us getting sick so young. It takes TIME to grow from a cancer diagnosis. Some people think that after treatment is over that everything is OK now. But these are people that haven't been diagnosed with cancer! Our body heals into a new body (no, it will never be the same), our souls regroup and life has a new normal for us but it never quite goes back to "the way it was" because that time doesn't exist anymore. I know so many of us want to just go back to the way it was before...especially our bodies. I was so frustrated skiing a few weeks ago because I can't pull myself along with my arms - cross country. My radiated right side is so much weaker than my left that I have to accept that I can't do it like I used to. Having a child changes your body but you love the changes since it was a precious gift to you. Having cancer changes your body but you have to force yourself to love it because this was a change that you didn't want!

We may always ask ourselves why do we feel this way? Why does every ache and pain scare the crap out of us? But I think those questions are part of us now and we have to accept it. I think the greatest lesson to learn is that time helps, time heals, but we will never be who we were before cancer. I believe trying too hard to be the same person physically and mentally is like a kitten trying to catch its tail by going round and round and making itself dizzy. Enjoy who you are, do what makes you happy and know that you are not alone. None of us are alone in this.

We are a special group of people that truly appreciates life. I absolutely love myself now and my life.

I love this kind of topic. I probably am starting to ramble but I have so much to say on this! However, I have a sweet little girl, it is her bedtime and as much as I'd like my life to be all about me (LOL) it is all about my babies.

Hugs ~ Ruth