[Becky]

I believe the process is about the same for everyone but each person goes through each gate at a different speed. I am beginning to think that getting a year of Herceptin helps the process. I am saying that because I was on the cusp of adjuvant Herceptin. I finished chemo and then rads. 2 months after rads (4 after chemo) I returned to get Herceptin which was then okayed (if you were 6 months from your last chemo (this was changed a month later to 12 months from your last chemo). Anyway - I went through that drought from the cancer center and then was pulled back in. By the time I was finished with Herceptin, I passed my 2 year mark (got 5 extra treatments to get me there as my onc thought - "why not?" as it wasn't as if I was getting a full second year. He figured it would protect me through the most vulnerable period). I was still nervous about being done but also grateful to be done because no matter how good you feel during treatment, you are still viewed as being ill.

The whirlwind of feelings when treatment is over can be overwhelming. One way to get through this is to plan for the future. First small steps (like joining a gym as Goops said) or deciding to walk or take up some sort of other activity - a pottery or yoga class or even a college or graduate course. Then you really need to plan out longer - a vacation for next year that has to be alittle more planned out than usual - Calgary Rodeo, 2010 Winter Olympics etc.

Before you know it, time has gone by. For example, when I found my lump we were just taking our oldest daughter to college (freshman) in a week or so and in May, she is graduating already and daugher #2 is a freshman in college. My youngest who was just entering 8th grade will graduate high school next year and no matter what could happen cancer wise, I will be there to see it. This is something I was not sure would happen.

It takes time to look forward and not worry that the arm you pulled doing a new exercise dvd is just the ache of an arm you pulled during a new exercise dvd (when you know darn well you pulled it doing the darn new exercise dvd) and that it is not bone mets! Time makes you more rationale and forgiving of yourself (much like growing up and becoming an adult). You stop wondering if you did something or if you didn't do something or what you could've, should've, would've done differently. Did you do a self exam the month before - you should've and the lump would've been smaller. You stop that stuff as time goes on. You do become more diligent. You do your exam. You go to your appointments on time but you might still postpone your dental cleanings as usual (oh well!!??). Time is what heals and gets you the mileage to hit the significant sights to see on the survivor highway. Plan your trip well and enjoy it.