Suggestion
Sherry, I think you are wise to take some time out and get some other feedback and ideas, because she seems to be just continuing to wear you and others out. What I hear you saying is that you want to see if there is a way you can make the most of what is left of your brother's time and your time, and maybe even your mother's time.
I would think assertiveness training would help, whether or not your mother ends up doing "what you want her to". Even if you think of yourself as assertive, it sounds to me like you are still trying to know whether there is something else you can say or do in the situation, and I'd recommend taking a really good analytical look at the assertiveness process. It can provide peace of mind because it helps you to define and understand internally what is truly your responsibility and what is not, and to find ways of expressing what to say and how to say it in the most effective ways, whether or not you "win". It isn't any form of mind control. It uses your own principles, not someone else's, to clarify what is happening to you and what you can honestly do about it and what you cannot.
I used Your Perfect Right as one simple book that reinforced assertiveness for me at a time of crisis in my life. As Flori says, a therapist can also be helpful.
AlaskaAngel
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