[dlaxague]

Hi Maryann,

First, a technical question. How did you do that so that your words and mine are in the same window? I like that style of conversation.

I didn't call you selfish, not at all. Please don't misunderstand. That comment was meant to apply ONLY to those who demand scans for follow up of primary breast cancer when no symptoms nor elevated markers exist, and if I didn't make that clear, I apologize. I did digress a little in that one paragraph about women who choose different styles of follow up when NED after a recurrence but I only mentioned that watch-and-wait as one possible, plausible style. It's more usual to scan regularly after a recurrence (including brain) and that approach makes good sense to me. After a recurrence, follow up is a whole different issue and I was not talking of that circumstance when I made the "selfish" remark.

Last time that I participated in this discussion, I offended some when I tried to separate out some of the differences between after primary disease vs. after a recurrence. There are many issues shared by all but some are specific to that circumstance. Again, my comments about control and uncertainty were spoken only to those considering style of follow-up after primary breast cancer. And I didn't mean to imply that one (acceptance of uncertainty) could not co-exist with the other (vigilance). As usual, I rambled a little off-topic there but I do think that it's helpful to ask ourselves those questions about uncertainty and control. As a recovering control freak, I know those questions rattled my cage, in a good way in the end.

Thanks for continuing the discussion. I like your paragraph about "we are the boss". Yes, and that includes also those who find an onc that they feel good about and follow his or her advice blindly. They are the boss in deciding that that's the best way for them. That is not the style for most of us on this list (laughing!) but it is the right style for some.

Love,
Debbie Laxague