HER2 Support Group Forums - View Single Post

Sherryg683 · 02-12-2008, 09:39 PM

You are not alone. My prognosis from the start was not good, stage IV also. Yet, here I am 2 year later NED and praying to stay that way, fearing that the cancer is waiting for me to get comfortable so that it can rear it's ugly head again. Fear of death, yes, I know that feeling too. It paralizes me sometimes. I have had such panic attacks that I could not hardly breath. We are not all brave, we are human and no one wants to die. I don't let anyone see what I go through in private, it's a battle I feel that I pretty much fight alone. My faith in God does help, but even that is a big unknown. I cannot be certain what awaits behind that curtain and I'm not ready yet to find out. Having a young child just adds to my desperateness to stay alive for her. I don't know how we get through these rough times...we just do. We have no other choice. I remember those days when I was on chemo and the not knowing whether it was working or not like it was yesterday, I call it the "black hole". I honestly felt like I had been swallowed by it with no signs of light. I am watching my brother go through what will probably be his last days. There has been nothing that has worked for his melanoma. I want to tell him something that will make him feel better, but I can't think of anything. All I can say is that hopefully there's a better place for us to go when this life ends, there must be. I'm sorry I don't know how to make you feel any better, it's hell that you are going through right now. I do hope that you have a good response to your chemo and that it puts the cancer back in check. In the end, that's pretty much all that we have ..our hope and our faith...never ever let go of that. On the medical side of things, are you on any sort of anxiety medicine. I know it's not the answer you want but it did help me get through many days I thought I would not make it through. I still rely on ambien to sleep, I couldn't get a wink without it. Please know that the women on this board do know what you are going through, it's the one thing we have in common that we would rather not have. ...sherryg

02-12-2008, 09:39 PM	#20
Sherryg683 Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 1,014	You are not alone. My prognosis from the start was not good, stage IV also. Yet, here I am 2 year later NED and praying to stay that way, fearing that the cancer is waiting for me to get comfortable so that it can rear it's ugly head again. Fear of death, yes, I know that feeling too. It paralizes me sometimes. I have had such panic attacks that I could not hardly breath. We are not all brave, we are human and no one wants to die. I don't let anyone see what I go through in private, it's a battle I feel that I pretty much fight alone. My faith in God does help, but even that is a big unknown. I cannot be certain what awaits behind that curtain and I'm not ready yet to find out. Having a young child just adds to my desperateness to stay alive for her. I don't know how we get through these rough times...we just do. We have no other choice. I remember those days when I was on chemo and the not knowing whether it was working or not like it was yesterday, I call it the "black hole". I honestly felt like I had been swallowed by it with no signs of light. I am watching my brother go through what will probably be his last days. There has been nothing that has worked for his melanoma. I want to tell him something that will make him feel better, but I can't think of anything. All I can say is that hopefully there's a better place for us to go when this life ends, there must be. I'm sorry I don't know how to make you feel any better, it's hell that you are going through right now. I do hope that you have a good response to your chemo and that it puts the cancer back in check. In the end, that's pretty much all that we have ..our hope and our faith...never ever let go of that. On the medical side of things, are you on any sort of anxiety medicine. I know it's not the answer you want but it did help me get through many days I thought I would not make it through. I still rely on ambien to sleep, I couldn't get a wink without it. Please know that the women on this board do know what you are going through, it's the one thing we have in common that we would rather not have. ...sherryg __________________ Sherry Diagnosed: December , 2005 at age 44 13+ positive lymph nodes Stage IV , Her2+, 2 small mets to lungsChemo Started: Jan, 2006 4 months Taxotere, Xeloda, Hercepin NED since April 2006!! 36 Rads to follow with weekly Herceptin indefinately 8 years NED now Scans every year Life is not about avoiding the thunderstorms, it's about learning to dance in the rain!