[MJo]

I don't think you need to figure out the death stuff yet. In fact, nobody has been able to figure out the death stuff. Are you alone like no husband and kids -- like me. That's rough. Even with a support system we feel alone, because nobody is going through this but us. It's okay to fall apart -- I did -- as long as you look for help to prop you up until you are back to yourself again. Posting on this board is getting help. Keep posting, posting and posting. If there is a Wellness Community in your city, try it. I walked in, fell into the arms of the receptionist and started howling. They could hear me all over the building. I also called the Cancer Care Connection helpline in my city almost every day for a while and talked, talked talked about how terrified I was and how I felt I was going crazy. This is my prayer for you -- that in a month or two you will look back on this time and think "Whoo, I was really breaking down, but now that my liver mets are shrinking, I feel hopeful again." Please ask for help -- demand it in fact. Take more anti anxiety medication, eat a gallon of ice cream. Whatever gets you thorugh this period of uncertainty, which is the absolute worst! ! Love and hope to you.