Wow, Flori! Your daughter is as eloquent as you are. Her pain is throbbing. I can feel it. And it shakes me to the core.
Stage 4 of 4 is not a good place to be. But, I pray you do not see death as the next step. You are up against a brick wall, but I see that it is starting to crumble. It will turn to dust long before you do! Your Spirit is focused. Your Intention and Expectation are fierce. You can destroy the wall, brick by brick, with your impassioned thoughts, with the chemo, with the power of the energy of your will... If one person has done it, YOU can do it.
The next step is not inevitable, as I see it. You can tarry here for a long time. In Life! Day by day becoming victorious over your wall. Others have done this. Nothing is impossible.
I can understand wanting to stop time. With our diagnosis comes a new way of being. No matter what stage. It is a sorely unwanted reality. We can and do resist. Rail at accepting it. But sooner or later we see that holds only pain. The pain is in the struggle. For sanity, we get past aching to change what cannot be undone. And come to see that victory is in taking control of all our reserves to FIGHT. Mortality is inevitable for us all. And I know that those facing cancer know this most keenly. So, often we cringe and feel overwhelmed and defeated. But then we rally. We reach deep into ourselves and connect with the divinity that resides within us. I have learned that in aligning myself with my Spirit I get in touch with the glory of each day given to me. The sacredness of Life. And that is a blessing.
I learned to live AS IF what I wanted already existed. That awareness in turn allowed me to live with joy and serenity, even as I faced my brick wall. *KNOWING* my desired outcome was on its way to me, even as I suffered physically, as my cancer cells died. So I was able to live spiritually uplifted even then.
You are in a process of healing, Flori, as I see it. Various factors are working to correct what is malfunctioning in your body. Destroying what is not worthy of being within you.
I agree with your daughter. STEP BACK FROM YOUR DIZZYING CLIFF. Can you see that the brick wall before you isn't as solid as you think...? You need an elevated perspective. In silence you can rise up, above yourself, and become The Observor. Then you are free to harness the power of your Spirit to overcome it all. Your daughter, and her indelible tattoo, are living reminders that you must FIGHT, Flori, with every fiber of your being. Her statement could not have been made more boldly!! Each time you set eyes on your lovely daughter -- remember not to even consider giving it up.
I pray you do not see yourself as dying. You are so vibrant! I can feel your Essence. Like a tree that appears withered and past hope, you can be saved. Do not dig that tree up and uproot it. It is still alive! Nurture it and see it come back to Life.
I can hear your daughter saying, Do not give up! I add my voice to hers. And many others I am sure will join the chorus. Get up, Flori and RUN FOR YOUR LIFE...
With my love,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Take my commas
. Take some strength. Borrow some courage. I have ample to share. I have emphatically refused to give up. Stage 4 of 4. You have done this. It is the hardest thing to do. But you can do this again. You just need to regain your footing. Please, come over here, and sit by me!
Andi