[Sherryg683]

I have been on Herceptin every week now for 2 years and it does get old. My weekly trip is a reminder to me that I am still fighting the cancer even though I am NED. I go get my scans this week and am scared to death of having them turn out bad and having to go back on the "hard" chemo. That period of time for me was like the black hole, that's what I call it. It was a time when I realized that all was not great in my life. Many people showed me sides of themselves that just wasn't pretty. When I needed compassion, I sometimes got the opposite. I am seeing the same happening with my brother who is in the final stages of cancer. It's heartbreaking to realize that you just don't matter as much as you think you do, to those you would hope you matter to. I have tried to file away those memories but they are always in the back of my mind. God, I don't want to have to go through that again. We fight to survive, we do what's necessary, we have good days and awful days. Our reality is realizing we won't live forever. I miss the days when I thought I would...sherryg