[Jade]

I'm another one who completely relates to what you're saying. I have been through H-E-double hockeysticks with antidepressants so have learned a thing or two along the way. Hopefully my story will help in some way. I know how bad those bad days can be.

I started Prozac in 1998 for PMDD (pre-menstrual dystrophic disorder - PMS off the scale!). I wore a T-shirt that said "I have PMS and a gun - any questions?". 6 years and 20 lbs later I stopped Prozac when I went into chemopause, as my doctor had told me I'd probably need it until then. I weaned myself off in a few weeks with no problems whatsoever.

Then came the brutal hot flashes, back to back, day and night. Doctor gave me Effexor, said it can reduce hot flashes by 60%. Started 75mg, increased to 150. First few months the hot flashes were noticeably less, but then I started to have serious symptoms which at the time I was unaware were caused by Effexor. I thought my ill health was due to all the surgery, chemo, ongoing Herceptin and then to ice the cake a really unfortunate bout of Giardia (aka beaver fever LOL! - a water-borne bacteria similar to E-coli - think stagnant water from a beaver dam). But I'd been treated and was cured from the giardia. Long story short, I ended up being rushed to hospital dehydrated and
severely ill. You see, all the years I took Prozac there were no problems, if I forgot to take them for a few days everything was still okay. Not so with Effexor - the pills need to be taken at the same time every day or the patient begins withdrawal. The most obvious symptom is "brain freezes" or "jolts" or "shocks". So not knowing all this, I missed taking my pills for about 3 days and went into withdrawal, complete with back to back brain freezes, severe vomiting and diahrrea, to the point I was hospitalized. They checked me for Giardia bacteria - all clear. It was then that I started to research Effexor and understood what I was dealing with. Nevertheless I prevailed (anything to keep those crippling hot flashes at bay) with a new discipline for taking the medicine every 24 hours. I still had brain freezes almost every day. Then the hot flashes were increasing; it seemed like the Effexor was not working as well. Then the worst thing: I gained almost 20 pounds, and it was like it happened overnight! Now I had lower back pain, joint pain and looked and felt like the Stay-Puft marshmallow man. Not so funny was the fear caused by the bone pain - of course I thought the cancer had come back in the bones. I was freaking out, I have to say! I went on the Internet and read again all the horror stories about Effexor, this time focussing on the weight gain aspect, and decided that minute that I would begin to wean off. It took another 3 1/2 months before the brain jolts completely stopped, and about the same time before the added 20 lbs. was gone.

At the same time as the Effexor horror ended, another began. I started to mentally spiral down into a very very dark place. Although physically I was getting better, dealing with the fallout from cancer together with a number of other major stresses brought me to the point where I could no longer cope. My oncologist described it as having experienced a personal 9/11. I was advised that I needed medication to correct this chemical imbalance that I had, there was no other way I would get better (believe me, I'd been trying to do everything I could to keep myself healthy so I wouldn't need medication).

So now I'm on Wellbutrin. Joannie, you are right when you mentioned about the seratonin as Wellbutrin only works on dopamine, does nothing to increase seratonin. It's true, there is no weight gain, no brain freezes, so that's a plus. But I now have regular anxiety, which I've never had before. It was very bad the first few weeks of Wellbutrin, then tapered off. I hate the anxiety. I know I also need the seratonin, but I have researched my head off and there simply is not an antidepressant that will increase seratonin levels without causing weight gain. I went into my local clinic recently to have my Wellbutrin prescription renewed. My regular doc wasn't in so I saw a different one and his first comment to me was "tell me, does this stuff work at all for you?" His feedback was that Wellbutrin was useless for the majority of people who try it. I told him I was about 60% better than before but was now full of anxiety. He also confirmed my research that there simply is no antidepressant for us seratonin-challenged people that will not cause weight gain.

Sorry for the long post. I keep thinking there has to be an answer but so far I haven't found it. I agree with the others' advice to see a psychiatrist as they are more knowledgeable of these medications and their use than regular GPs. I hope you find some peace and soon.

All the best,
Jade