[Andrea Barnett Budin]

When I metastasized 3 yrs after initial dx, it was '98. I was 52 yrs old, post menopausal, w/4th stage invasive lobular carcinoma, including 2 lymph nodes, HER2+ 80%, w/multiple tumors throughout my liver. I went into total shock. I read that I had less than a 15% chance of surviving 5 yrs. I tossed that bk. I decided that somehow I WOULD BE AMONG THE LITTLE GROUP OF SURVIVORS. And I wouldn't stop at 5 yrs. So Hermiracles -- just wrap your mind around the fact that you are going to do the chemo, meditate, use guided imagery, maybe boost your immune system and heart w/supplements and roll your sleeves up. You need to let the scary thoughts through while you hold on to your sense of humor. You need to experience all the fear that what you are facing entails and go forward ANYWAY!! I believe that once you talk about, and write about, your feelings, you can purge yourself of the unwanted, negative, agonizing thoughts and emotions and move toward taking control of your thoughts! Beginning the healing process. I have learned to troll throughout the day to hear what my mental chatter is. To confront it. Experience and ventilate it all, through talking and writing. Then expel all the crap in your head and reboot! Consciously choose the words you truly wish to circulate in your head all day. Know that they are commands being sent from your mind to your body. And know that your body will respond. It hears everything you say, or whisper. AND THAT IS A GOOD THING. Because it can EMPOWER you to go where you want to go. I have read many studies and reports that substantiate this awesome reality. Some are not open to its expanded awareness. I pray you are open. Yes, this is very hard work. It is a 24/7 job, but the rewards you will reap are so very worth all your toil. And, it will get easier, as with all things in Life, practice makes perfect...

Use every discipline you have access to, including the chemo, AND 2ND AND 3RD OPINIONS!! I have to say I would *not* want a doc who thinks I'm a lost cause, w/less than 18 mnths to live.

Richard Bloch (of H & R Bloch) was told 30+ yrs ago that he had mnths to live. He had lung ca, which is way harder to control than bc, and was especially not a good place to be 3 decades ago. They've come a long way since then. Richard wrote a book which I have read. He went on heavy duty chemo for a full year, meditated, used guided imagery, read bks to feed his Soul, used the love of his wife Annette for him and his for her -- and 25 yrs later was still going strong. He programmed his thinking. He defied the odds and the doctor's advice to put his affairs in order. He declined to go. He used every fiber of his being to reach for what he wanted. AND SO CAN YOU!! I believe that with all my heart. Richard wrote that IF ONE PERSON CAN DO IT, SO CAN YOU. I will never forget his words.

I want to jump into cyberspace and put my arms around you and look you in the eye (so you can see my passion) and say these words to you in person. Please keep posting Hermiracles. Love your husband and those adorable babies and feel the joy and harmony of Life with each day. This is all so new for you, coming so darn fast, I don't know if you've caught your breath yet. Be patient w/yourself. But please do move to OPINIONS 2 AND 3!!! You need more input. And better attitude from your oncs! Shame on that poor discouraged and discouraging Soul of a doc. Let him take his 18 mnths and go for a hike...

Move over here, honey -- into the Light. Go deep within yourself -- right to your center, your core. That is your Essence. Your Spirit. You will recognize it when you acknowledge it and merge with it. It is a fragment of the energy of your divine Source, and it is the True You. My understanding is God can't be everytwhere so He put a bit of Himself into each of us, full of wisdom and guidance, if we learn to tap into it. Listen to your Inner Voice! It wants what you want. It is there to nurture you and lead you. Once you connect w/that force you become mightily empowered. You are a Soul with a mind and a body. This is how I have come to see pp since bc. I have read and studied and adopted this belief with all my heart. It is unshakable. I can see you. You are radiant, still glowing from the birth of your miracle babies. We are each meant to learn to take control of our lives, stop being victimized by our sour, dour thoughts and to edit our internal dialogue.

Your body has been through so much. So much dysfunction (bc, hips, pregnancy and birth). Hormones racing and raging through it all. But you can still get yourself together and enjoy decades to come, with LOVE, joy, laughter, an open heart and gratitude for your many blessings. All these are full of healing power! BELIEVE in yourself and your ability to do this. To help yourself heal. You can do this. Let faith and certainty propel you. Make your Intention clear and resolute. Focus all your energy on your vivid Expectation, as Richard did. As I do. As so many survivors do. See your victory. Feel it. Own it. As Olympic gold medalists and winning teams do. Live KNOWING you are calling your desired destiny to you.

I am sending you all the strength and courage I can muster, along with my love,
Andi