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This is what I would tell them:
The most compassionate and validating thing I have heard since my DX of breast cancer last year is something I was told by my oncologist at my first three-month checkup. Like so many of us, I had a diagnosis, a double mastectomy, and chemo all before my brain and heart even had time to catch up with reality. Then all of a sudden you are on your own without your oncologist and chemo nurses and lab work for three months.
At my first 3-month checkup I said to my oncologist, "It seems like every time I see a bruise, even though my head knows I bumped my arm the day before, when I see it the first thing I think of is cancer. If I stub my toe and the next day my toe hurts, even though I clearly remember stubbing my toe, before logic sets in, the first thing I think of is cancer. Am I being a hypocondriac ... or do I need therapy ... or what?"
She smiled, gently put her hand on my arm, and quietly said, "Ohhhh, not at all ... you're being normal. Imagine I am holding the most beautiful gift-wrapped package you have ever seen ... with the most elegant ribbons. And when I hand you the package ... it explodes in your hands. The next time someone hands you a package, don't you think it would be the most natural thing to flinch until you knew it was safe? Your life was that package and three months ago it blew up in your face. It is the most normal and human thing for you to flinch."
To me that was the definiton of a compassionate, understanding, and non-judgmental response. I will never forget that tender image.
And, of course, it is another reason why I am convinced that Dr. Barbara Bowers of Mpls, MN is THE finest oncologist in the world. She is just as concerned with my heart and soul as she is with my cancer.
AbbyDawg
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