[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Havah, ?Jan, We are all here on this board for you. We have always been. And we continue to stand by your side. We are Sisters. I do not know about Dr. Shahinian, but I googled him. Heaven knows, you have been reaching out for help and answers. I saw your post asking about your specific skull problem as I too searched for you on the Internet. Good for you! The will to live is still alive within you! Your Essence is still alive. It sounds like you headed in the right direction -- L.A. Your doc above seems to be well known and highly skilled.

Also Joe's Dr. Black out there sounds like one to back yourself up as well. Please call him first thing Monday morning and see what you can set up, to coordinate.

We all care and offer our support. I wish I had more answers for you, but I can only relate to your sense of despair on a human level, having 4th stage met bc and being scared to death. When I began Herceptin (in '98) it had just been fast-tracked by the FDA in the hopes of helping desperate women given mnths to live. I met in Aug of '98. Herceptin became available as of Sept 28, '98. I started Taxotere in early Sept., told by my oncs that I could not afford to wait, the ca was spreading in my liver (observable in the short wks between biop and the beginning of Sept). I had a highly aggressive form of bc, I was told. I was HER2+ (80% -- which was the way they nomenclated it back in the day). I began Herceptin in Nov, waiting 8 wks for my next CT scans to be certain the Taxotere was working. I developed Shingles in Oct. and was denied tx. I was quite terrified, knowing without chemo I would surely die. I caught the Shingles the day after the rash broke (one spot that itched and hurt and looked like a bug bite). So I was put on the drug for it immediately. I backed that up w/supplements (from NY nut/onc guru/healer -- nutritional expert and oncologist). I used the power of my thoughts to hurry up and HEAL so I could get back on the chemo. I hadn't realized how sick I was from the Shingles since I felt so horrid from the chemo, I'd thought it was all coming from Taxotere.

My point is,(Jan, I hope I have your name right) -- Havah honey, things can look truly bleak but I took a chance of Herceptin and it has saved my life. YOU are taking a chance on these L.A. docs, and they could be your magic bullet. I admire your wherewith all to keep foraging and finding the unique help you need.

Surely the stress of all you are undergoing, physically, emotionally and psychologically, has brought you to the edge. And that alone would impact your MS, as I am guessing you perceive. Please just try your best to HOLD ON and get yourself to L.A. and what I pray (along w/everyone here who has read your wrenching post no doubt is doing too) that you will have a miraculous turnaround. Just as I did, brought back from the jaws of hell. You too, Jan, can be a walking miracle. You have to believe in miracles to be one -- so clear your head and keep on moving forward. You can do this. And you have a horde of prayers being sent out in your name HAVAH. I wish I knew where you are exactly so I could pinpoint you, but I know that the Universe/God/A Higher Power is infinitely wise and knowing and will be moved to assist you with so much loving energy pouring out to you and for you.

Please, don't say goodbye. Personally, I wish you a bon voyage, a successful trip and a major turning point in your life! May you find just what you need in L.A. And, please let us know what the docs say. At least one of them will be able to bring you back! I BELIEVE that with all my heart! Sending you a long, big hug, and much loving, healing energy, Havah... Under no circumstances give up or give in. I can feel your Essence and it is mighty strong and truly brave!
Andi