Each of us knows to fasten our seat belts! I must say that I found the crazy, sexy movie boring. It was something I looked forward to, but was immensely, and surprisingly, disappointed in. To be honest, after a half hr I skimmed through my taped version. It seemed to be missing the real deal, or did I miss that??? I felt that it didn't adequately reflect my experience, as *someone* pointed out. (I just got back from 5 days in NY and am trying to catch up, so I'm a few steps behind y'all... Please forgive my lapse in memory.) In the end, which I fast forwarded to, the *star* (?Kris) spoke of Life being "messy and brilliant, gorgeous and staggering, crazy and sexy, just like canser".
The way I see it is canser is like Life in that -- it is messy, full of surprises, unpredictable, mysterious, staggering and crazy. Nothing sexy about canser, just the title, which was a tacky lure and therefore offensive. I was ready to let it explain itself, but it did not. Life, and canser, have valleys that are jarring to say the very least. But, as Karr mentioned, canser
can be a CATALYST and a TEACHER. This I agree with. It gels with my CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC thread (dare I mention) which speaks of illness being a teaching. What I tried to say back then (?in June) was that I believe there are Lessons within every adversity, if we find ourselves able to search them out midst the obstacles and the pain of it all. Quite the challenge, I know. But I felt my Spirit led me to the Lessons. They seemed to glow in the darkness that suddenly surrounded me with my dx.
The crushing disappointments of Life have within them unique opportunities, to evolve and grow in magnificent ways. They are hugely unwanted to be sure! However, I have learned much that is wondrous because of canser
, I've got to admit. I've found Life to be awesome in so many ways I failed to see before bc. I found out that I was a whole lot stronger and braver than I ever imagined! Friends and strangers call me *a hero*. Me. I'm just an ordinary woman. I feel all this LOVE from people that I didn't get before. They tell me, I hope if that ever happens to me, I'll be like you! I did consciously try to be a role model, standing against any grave misfortune, for my daughters to remember and emulate in Life. It was that goal that helped keep my head above water.
Our paths are strewn with obstacles. Every one you meet is fighting some kind of battle, I have found. So I am kinder, more willing to be understanding and not judge, more compassionate, more open, more affectionate in words and deeds. I am genter and more giving of myself and my love. I live with an open heart. And an open mind. I am more aware of my blessings than I ever was, and am awed by the beauty that surrounds us that I hadn't fully appreciated before.
Behind each annoying complication comes yet another opportunity. What I'm saying is that -- in our desperation, we dig a bit deeper and, if we are able to still come up smiling, we see Life as being quite brilliant and full of love! We feel more alive than ever before! I have found expanded awareness, insights and WOW Now moments that were unavailable to me before as I went along to get along most of the time, distracted by what needed doing and doing it. I see the trees and the sky and nature in a whole new way. The important things that really weren't so important after all, have dissipated, allowing the little things to become magnified, as well they should. I stay firmly planted in The Now now, post bc. I have never felt more grateful, more in touch with my True Self and my Spirit, which is all so incredibly empowering!! And I have never felt so a part of Others as I now do.
I think that's what Karr wished to express, though I don't feel she managed to reflect THE TRUE FACE OF CANSER. It's the purpose of the book I am struggling to finish (which is an endless project of love and passion that I WILL finish, no matter what, I swear!). I will finish it because I believe our experience, yours and mine MUST BE SHARED, written for all to hear and gain insight into. My message comes from my heart. I believe Karr's came from her heart, and I admire her for her fortitude and humor through the angst of dealing w/a canser that offered no hope at first. THAT I can relate to. And BTW, of course the book I am daily working to finish is full of inspiration and as many Lessons learned as I can get on paper. I don't think any of us wants pity, but aches for more understanding of the tremulous experience we've endured, and that cries out to be conquered! Sooner rather than later. Not what studies show, what doctors explain as best they can but so miss the mark, what survivors express but somehow aren't typical. (Doesn't Eliz Edwards look fabulous????) Ours is a daily full time job, regardless of our stage -- if we are to prevail. And I suspect Elizabeth knows this and practices this faithfully. She seems like a beautiful Spirit, don't you think? But she is preoccupied with fulfilling her husband and her dream and not focusing on *her* personal issues. I understand that, but someone has to, and I intend to.
People have often told me, I don't know how you did it. That's how I feel when I read your posts, my incredible Sisters. I feel *lucky*. As horrid as what I had to go through was, *your* trials seem worse, and my compassion and respect for what you've braved is enormous! Your posts are full of the truth of this disease and its impact on us as human beings, mothers, hopeful wouldbe mothers, wives, husbands and grandparents and of course caregivers as well... When one person in a family is dx -- the entire family is drawn into the drama. And the caregivers' shoulders must be broad in so many ways to help the patient achieve remission! Their support and love, intelligence and dogged determination carry the day almost as much as the one receiving tx! My prayers and love are always with you! Every one of you!!!!!!!!!!
Andi